I'm the kind of person that prefers to visit a place with a quick hello and without the mandatory church handshake. I don't want to be asked anything. Basically it's a feeling of having hospitality practiced on me and it doesn't feel real. I don't know how you practice and still allow for people like me.
I was asked for years if I was new. Even after my son was engaged to one of the pastors' daughters and with my habit of sitting in the exact same spot every week. I agree it is a bad question. Kind of like "when are you due?" don't ask unless you are 100% sure that you are making a correct assumption. It only bothered me the first year or two.
It still bothers me in smaller settings like parenting classes, bible studies, ect. when no one bothers to meet someone other than their own little clique. Churches should never ever have cliques. With large churches it is something that has to be fought against because we are sinful humans. That said when I have heard complaints about people not being friendly I ask, "How have you reached out?" Everyone always assumes that they are the new person. Well how long do you get to be new before you are the one ignoring the newer person?
Doesn't part of it have to do with believing that one really is the center of the universe and God's people should make you feel welcome if He wants you? That used to be my problem. I was always evaluating and judging. What if Paul had changed his mind after the Jeruselem Jews didn't welcome him with open arms?
When the introductions go around the table at bible studies it hasn't escaped my notice that many of the people have logged around the same number of years there that I have; which means we were all new around the same time. And about once a year I see someone that I know from elsewhere assuming that they have just switched to our church only to find out they have been coming for years. We just never ran into each other before. Too funny.....
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