All the Single Ladies

Tiffany Stein's picture
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“Do you have any wisdom or advice as to how best to approach my season of singleness and the struggle I’m facing?”  Gulp. The email from a college friend detailed how rent she felt between the desire to be content in her singleness and her fervent prayers for a husband.  I punched “reply,” but the cursor just kept blinking.  One week later I finally typed, “I honestly don’t feel like I have any magical answers, but I’d love to share with you some of the things that God taught me along the way.

First, I want to encourage you that your desire for a husband is completely normal and honorable.  It is natural to desire a husband to share your life with, to want someone to come home to, and to long for a man who is also your confidante and best friend.  Should you ever feel that it is ungodly to long for a husband or feel guilty that you’re not completely satisfied with singleness, please remember that God gave you those desires, affections, and wants.

On the other hand, one doesn’t want to be pining away for a husband and thinking that life will begin when one says, “I do.”  But I know that that is not where you are.  It sounds like you’re in a healthy place spiritually and emotionally.  You’re seeking God’s will, actively practicing faith and patience, and you are open to marriage while also striving to making the most of this season of singleness and enjoy the unique opportunities that this stage of life affords.

I imagine that sometimes it can feel like you’re in a holding pattern or in an “in-between” time —not quite sure where you are exactly in the journey of life.  I’ve felt that way many times myself since Jason and I have spent the last three and a half years living, working, and going to classes all within a one-block radius of our graduate school.  Many of my friends are already well advanced in their careers, some have started their families, and others are already PhD candidates.  I feel somehow “behind” or like I was detained at the starting line while everyone else sprinted past me in the race of life. 

And it doesn’t help that I occasionally daydream about how we will finally have the “normal” family life once we have graduated—a brick house with a yard, a Cockapoo greeting me at the door, and an evening free of exegetical commentaries.  But then I’m reminded that we’re living today.  We’re laying the foundation for our future family, already engaged in ministry, and being constantly refined and shaped by our Father.  Who we are today dramatically affects who we are tomorrow.  And so in that respect, today is very important.

Your singleness, dear friend, no matter how long or short this season is, is a crucial part of your life story.  The Lord is using this chapter of your life to further grow and sanctify you as well as others.  May God bless you with guidance, strength, and the joy of knowing that you are in the center of his good and perfect will.”

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