Parenting

1. Your Relationship with God – It may sound generic but just think about it. We spend time with our co-workers, friends and even family on a daily basis and yet none of them will have a greater impact in our lives than God.  It’s amazing that so many of us will go through an entire day and won’t even give God a mere thought.   I’m guilty of this myself, especially when I’m overwhelmed with “stuff” of life.  It’s the “stuff” that ends up being the best tool of the devil because that’s where he creates chaos in our hearts and minds.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4)

The Greek word for blessed (i.e., makarios) used here has a meaning of being fortunate, prosperous or successful. That is, successful are those that mourn! Why? When do we mourn? Mourning is the proper reaction to the loss of something considered precious and dear... something or someone that we loved. This may the loss of a loved one, loss of plans for marriage due to unrequited love, loss of plans for your children's future as they become rebellious, or loss of career opportunities while being sidetracked in your place of employment for decades thus effectively wasting your working life, etc. Furthermore, mourning is part of the natural progression as we move through the stages of grief.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV).

The holiday season is a season of Full. Stomachs stretch with overindulgence; schedules burst with commitments; To Do lists overflow onto a second (or third) page. From Thanksgiving to New Year's, excess is king. In this crammed-in, over-the-top season of surplus, what your soul may need is a little emptiness.

Ah, Thanksgiving: the season of warm homes and hearts, as loved ones gather in Rockwellian delight at God's bountiful provision...(at least the commercials show it that way.) If, in your family, the scent of pumpkin pie can't mask the odor of jealousy, or "turkey" somehow segues into a political debate, you're not alone.. For many, holiday drama causes more heartburn than Aunt June's spiced Turducken.

For those that don’t know, my wife and I have three kids at home ages 12, 10 and 4. The older two are brother and sister and the youngest is the little brother. The reason I explain it that way is because the older two are more rivals then siblings and then there is this little brother thing that interrupts the older two’s ecosystem and that presents a whole new element of fun that I’ll get into shortly. For the time being let’s go into why this blog is entitled what it is what on Earth that has to do with God or Jesus or anything Kingdom related for that matter.

The last presidential debate ended this week. We will soon go to the polls and we will hopefully move forward, trusting God with the future of our nation. Thanksgiving approaches and soon after, the Christmas rush begins. With the holidays around the corner, folks anticipate their greatest stress — family.

Jesus' most famous parable in Luke 15 tells the story of a rebellious young man usually dubbed "the Prodigal Son" who demanded his share of his father's inheritance while his dad was still alive, shameful enough, but then went off into "the far country" to squander it on riotous living. A modern-day prodigal and his mother have written their story, telling parallel stories from each one's perspective. The son's "far country" included drug dealing, living it up as a party animal, and gay promiscuity leading to a diagnosis of AIDS. But God brought both mother and son out of the far country to Himself.

A number of articles are available advising Christians to have nothing to do with Halloween. And I do agree that Christians have no business celebrating a holiday that glorifies something that delights the enemy of our souls. And potentially opens us up to demonic harrassment, to boot!

But if we've got kids, especially kids in public school or who hang around other kids in the neighborhood, it's entirely possible that parents can feel pressured to do something about Halloween. After all, it's pretty hard to hide under a rock for the whole month of October. A number of houses on our street are more decorated for Halloween than for Christmas!

My family loves the fall. We look forward to all the new school activities, promotion Sunday at church and the change in the weather. Nothing however, seems to excite my family more like the topic of our fall menu. That’s right, the food!

“What is your highest priority in life?” How would you answer that question? What do most women say? A recent survey of Christian women by George Barna found that 53% ranked family first, while only 16% prioritized their faith. The total number of women who responded with health, career, and comfortable lifestyle is larger than the group that chose faith.

One of the greatest movie lines in history is in Star Wars, when the evil Darth Vader reveals the awful truth to our hero Luke Skywalker: "Luke, I am your father." (Actually, this is a misquote, but it's become part of our cultural lexicon anyway. Check out this YouTube video of a four-year-old's priceless reaction to seeing this scene in Star Wars for the first time.)

I'll never forget the day when one of my daughters learned to ride her bike without training wheels. (The “fall” was an appropriate season for this event.)

As she sped down a hill toward a huge ravine, I saw written all over her face the message: “I’m not in control!”

August — my least favorite month. It’s hot, the kids go back to school and we celebrate Anna’s birthday. I know I should feel happy about my daughter’s birthday, but I seldom do. You see, Anna will most likely lose her hearing by her thirteenth birthday. That’s what the doctors have told us. Diagnosed at two years old with a condition known as Large Vestibular Aqueduct Syndrome, Anna has never had the gift of hearing things clearly.

This weekend at a family gathering, my 45-year-old cousin, a new father, walked into the room with his sleeping baby girl on his shoulder. He said to another cousin, "Want to feel the best feeling in the world? Want to let Aimee sleep on your shoulder?" He transferred the little girl to his aunt's shoulder, and the baby nestled into her new position.

You know the feeling. In the hurried, stressed-out, over-packed "normal", you wake up and realize everything's just a little bit  (or a lot) out of control? You're not living the way you expected, the way you really want to. Jesus, family, friends, ministry are squeezed out of your schedule by all the "urgents" and "disasters" and "have to's". The unintentional is taking over what you intended your life to be.

Our pace of life might be faster than past generations, but the need for intentional living isn't new. For almost as long as there's been the Church, Christ-followers have been advocating a plan to live an on-purpose life.

Parents all over the world are making a horrible mistake with their children and they don’t even know it. They are setting the stage for disaster by throwing a wrench in God’s plan for their children’s lives and they are oblivious to the consequences. They are taking a very simply priority plan and switching the order of it to best fit their desires of the moment. Do you have a clue what I’m talking about? It’s the Priorities of Parenting Plan that states the following:
1) God First – Luke 10:27, Matt 6:33
2) Spouse Second - Eph 5:21-33, 1 Cor 11:3
3) Kids Third – Eph 6:1, Col 3:20, Deut 6

At the very least, I hope these columns challenge Christians to think. You can disagree with me and my opinions. You can disagree with my approach. I’m certainly fallible. But for your own sake think, study, seek understanding and pray for wisdom (Proverbs 3:13, James 1:5). After all, all truth is God’s truth.

Having said that, I think this column will be challenging.

In my last column, a general review/overview of Carl W. Wilson’s book Our Dance Has Turned to Death, I wrote: “[Be] forewarned—men, women, Christian, secularist, leftwing, and right wing—you will probably be offended in some way; no matter what group you identify with, Carl W. Wilson will confront and challenge your conventional wisdom.”

Of course, talking about the specific roles which God has ordained for men and women is offensive and controversial in this day and age, but Wilson’s book launches some even more controversial topics for conversation: Christianity and Capitalism, are they compatible? Is there anything wrong with putting children in Sunday School? Is abandonment of the death sentence for crimes, abandonment of Christianity? Have the feminists considered how their agenda has completely backfired on women? These are some of the topics that I touch on below. Topics to get your synapses firing, your blood boiling, and hopefully topics to get your fingers flipping through the pages of your Bible.

“But [as always] examine all things; hold fast to what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21).

Sometimes the hardest part about having children is letting go. As parents we spend most of our time devoted to our kids. And in one moment— poof—it changes.

“[The main thesis of this book] is that the family, with traditional religious roles for men and women in a life-long monogamous marriage relationship, is the abiding natural foundation for social order, happiness and stability. When that view is abandoned for selfish individualism the society will collapse and die.” – Carl W. Wilson, Our Dance Has Turned to Death.[1]

Carl W. Wilson’s book, Our Dance Has Turned to Death, examines the causes and effects of the disintegration of the American family. Published in 1979 (Yes, 1979!) it stands today as a prophetic voice from the not-too-distant past. This social theory still stands because it is well within a biblical framework. Not all is biblical, much is theoretical.  No matter which side you might prefer, it is still a good read. Drawing on a wide range of sources, from anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists, and historians, as well as the Bible, Mr. Wilson’s book touches on a vast array of topics, including slavery, the industrial revolution, woman’s suffrage, feminism, sexuality, homosexuality, politics, economics, the military, etc. But be forewarned—men, women, Christian, secularist, leftwing, and right wing—you will probably be offended in some way; no matter what group you identify with, Carl W. Wilson will confront and challenge your conventional wisdom.

“Then the Lord said to me, ‘When you tell them all this, they will not listen to you. When you call out to them, they will not respond to you’” (Jeremiah 7:27).

Often the worst day of the year for an infertile woman is Mother’s Day. On this holiday going to a house of worship can feel more like going to the house of mourning.

There’s a lot of confusion about what constitutes work in today's society, especially for women. The most recent political furor centers around a comment implying that a woman who chose to stay home to raise five sons “never worked a day in her life.”

Figuring out when to say "yes" and when to say "no" was one of the toughest challenges of parenthood for me. For example, during my daughter's junior high years, they wanted to listen to secular music--which I hated. The lyrics opposed our values and I wanted them to listen to Christian music. But a wise older woman advised me

“Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you” (Hebrews 13:7, NASB).

I will answer the question first by telling you some things about my childhood:

My mom tells me that Dad began reading the Bible to me the day I came home from the hospital. I know all my years growing up, until the very day I moved out of the house a month before my marriage, Dad either read or recited a verse of the Bible to me every single day. That was Dad’s way of being obedient to the biblical injunction to “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds…. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 11:18-19, NIV).

With the degree of bible literacy going down every year, it’s really not surprising that so many people believe things they think are from the Bible but aren’t.

....Well, not exactly. But let's do the math: on the average workday, you might spend 8 hours (1/3 of your day) at work. Let's pretend for simplicity's sake that you actually get the 8 hours recommended for sleep, leaving 1/3 of your day for other stuff. Subtract meals, getting ready in the morning and your commute, you've got your discretionary time. In this example, let's call it 4 hours. Are you going to claim those hours for YOUR life, or will you donate them to the lives of imaginary TV characters?

My daughter Rachel is now grown with three little boys. But when she was a student at Texas A&M, I was still conniving to make life do what I wanted. I was still struggling to trust God with my life and loved ones. One afternoon, Rachel called me overwhelmed with an unfair situation at school. They had a rule at A&M that you could have the room of your choice or the roommate of your choice-- but not both. Well, this was so unfair, and I, the mother bear, would not stand for it.

There are certain universal truths in parenting.

• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Pound Puppy underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a twenty by twenty foot room.

• If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak—it explodes. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house four inches deep.

• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

• Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

I learned a new phrase this week, one I expect to use frequently. A friend related a personal experience as we enjoyed lunch together. She shared how someone made this remark to her with a smile, “Let’s pretend for a moment that God is in control of the world. How might this affect your thinking?”

Last weekend I left my oldest child, who is 10 years old, in the hands of a 21 year old college student and a bunch of his buddies out in the boonies of East Texas. I will return tomorrow to retrieve my boy after a week of missing him, counting the days with his younger siblings, and doing without his help, his smile, his constant thoughtful questions.