A lesson they will not forget! (You better learn from it too!)

One Sunday, we were eating out after church—a “gourmet” lunch off the dollar menu at a fast-food restaurant. Our middle daughter Jaley asked, “Can I have some chocolate ice cream?” I immediately answered, “No,” and she complained. When my wife and I had a minute to talk, she suggested a better answer for next time. And when Jaley asked again, we were ready for her. My wife told her that she could use her allowance to buy the ice cream. My daughter didn’t have to think very long before she blurted out, “I guess I don’t want any.” She quickly figured out that the ice cream was a want and not a need, and the best part was that she made that decision herself, so there was no complaining.

One Sunday, we were eating out after church—a “gourmet” lunch off the dollar menu at a fast-food restaurant. Our middle daughter Jaley asked, “Can I have some chocolate ice cream?” I immediately answered, “No,” and she complained. When my wife and I had a minute to talk, she suggested a better answer for next time. And when Jaley asked again, we were ready for her. My wife told her that she could use her allowance to buy the ice cream. My daughter didn’t have to think very long before she blurted out, “I guess I don’t want any.” She quickly figured out that the ice cream was a want and not a need, and the best part was that she made that decision herself, so there was no complaining.

Another important point is that Jaley made a different choice because we asked her to make a spending decision with her money. This is worth another illustration:

Imagine what would happen if I took my daughters to a store and gave each of them five dollars to spend. As I hand them the money, I take one of two approaches. In the first scenario, I tell them, “Get what you want, and bring me back the change.” How much do you suppose I’ll get back? That’s right, probably a few cents, because they will find ways to spend every bit of the money. But what if I told them, “Get what you want, and you can keep what’s left.” Now, odd as it may seem, they will probably spend less of the money. That’s what happens when we make our kids feel like they’re spending their money.

When our children feel like they are spending our money, they have no reason to think about their needs or place any limits on their wants. It’s like a salesman with a huge expense account, or someone who wins a thousand-dollar shopping spree at the local hardware mega-store. He is much less likely to weigh his decisions or be thrifty.

But everything changes when it’s their money—even if you have given it to them. When they know funds are limited, they start thinking about different uses for that money, and they make better decisions. Suddenly, baseball cards and ice cream don’t seem nearly as important.
Now, this approach doesn’t guarantee that they’ll only buy necessities or save every penny for college; they’ll still make bad decisions sometimes. But we hope they’ll learn from their decisions—good and bad.