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A Mother’s Thoughts on Mother’s Day

I spent Mother’s Day, as I do every year of late, thinking about two women I have never met: Linda is around 43 years old and Naomi is about 28 (names are changed). I have no idea what either of these two ladies looks like or exactly where either of them might be found. I have never had a conversation with either; we’ve never exchanged letters or emails. I wonder about them often, but neither of them have any knowledge of me.

I spent Mother’s Day, as I do every year of late, thinking about two women I have never met: Linda is around 43 years old and Naomi is about 28 (names are changed). I have no idea what either of these two ladies looks like or exactly where either of them might be found. I have never had a conversation with either; we’ve never exchanged letters or emails. I wonder about them often, but neither of them have any knowledge of me.

The fact remains, however, that with each of these women I share a bond, for we share a child. Almost seven years ago Linda gave birth to my son; less than a year later we brought him home from a baby house in Russia. Almost 5 years ago Naomi gave birth to my daughter; about two years later, we brought her home from another orphanage in Russia.

There have been times when my heart has ached and tears have flowed down my face as I am confronted with the likelihood that I will never sit down to have a conversation with either of these women–and this thought leads to an overwhelming sense of sorrow, grief, and loss. In reality, I know that I have a tendency to romanticize my children’s "birthmothers" since I have little or no information about them. The fact remains however that both made a courageous choice to bring life into the world when abortion was an available and accepted option and then made the difficult decision to leave that child in the care of others when she realized she did not have the ability to provide even the basic needs of food and medicine. 

While I know I am truly mom to the crazy kids running around my dining room right now, I am keenly aware of the two women somewhere across the ocean who gave them life and gave them hope. I cannot fathom what it must have felt like to walk out of a hospital and leave your child to an unknown fate and to have no other choice but to do so. Maybe someday I will have a conversation with one or both of these women. If I do, I will tell Linda about Jacob’s intense curiosity, contagious smile, and sensitive heart and I will tell Naomi about Stella’s multi-faceted charm, infectious laugh, and love for adventure.

But for now, I will just say "Happy Mother’s Day" to Linda and Naomi. The babies you left years ago are safe, well-cared for, healthy, deeply loved by their family and friends, and growing into beautiful, intelligent, and intensely compassionate individuals. We think of you and talk about you often. We remember you. Your choice was good.