A Mother’s Yes Face

Figuring out when to say "yes" and when to say "no" was one of the toughest challenges of parenthood for me. For example, during my daughter's junior high years, they wanted to listen to secular music–which I hated. The lyrics opposed our values and I wanted them to listen to Christian music. But a wise older woman advised me

Figuring out when to say "yes" and when to say "no" was one of the toughest challenges of parenthood for me. For example, during my daughter's junior high years, they wanted to listen to secular music–which I hated. The lyrics opposed our values and I wanted them to listen to Christian music. But a wise older woman advised me

not to make growing up in a Christian home about "no". (I did not let them listen to Satanic head-banger music but the other popular stuff.)

So we listened to their music in car pool–where I spent my life. We had a joke that every time I was in the car, the worst song came on. They would look at each other, and I would look at them, and they were embarrassed. Sometimes we would talk about the meaning of the lyrics and I would ask them what they thought.

By high school, they were choosing Christian music–according to their own convictions. Today, both their walks with the Lord are strong–a gift from God, but one thing I did right was that I did not spend my life lecturing them and saying no. Too much prohibition drives children away from Jesus. And too much permissiveness overwhelms them, and sends a message that you, as a parent, don't really care. But deciding whether it is yes or no in each situation while they are whining, "Oh, please, please, please…" That is the challenge.

Decide carefully, and say "yes" when you can. Your role as a parent is not to think for your children, or even to always protect them, but to guide them as they learn to think for themselves and make good decisions without you around. It's hard. It's complicated. But you have the mind of Christ and you can do it.

And then one day, you may be a grandparent, and your job will be to make sure the grandkids get massive amounts of chocolate and ice cream. If your children are now responsible, you can spoil those grandkids rotten. That's because you know they go home to wise "yes" and "no's" and turnabout is fair play.