A Safe Place to Confess?

People like to hide their faults. Secret sins are all too common. This prideful, protective reaction is natural. Who wants the world to know that we struggle with forbidden desires, particularly sexual ones? But Christians are called to be spiritual. Our churches should be hospitals for the hurting, places of healing and restoration. Light heals. A jaundiced baby needs to be exposed to intense bright light to become healthy. Sunshine feeds God’s green earth through photosynthesis. Secrecy is counterproductive.

People like to hide their faults. Secret sins are all too common. This prideful, protective reaction is natural. Who wants the world to know that we struggle with forbidden desires, particularly sexual ones? But Christians are called to be spiritual. Our churches should be hospitals for the hurting, places of healing and restoration. Light heals. A jaundiced baby needs to be exposed to intense bright light to become healthy. Sunshine feeds God’s green earth through photosynthesis. Secrecy is counterproductive.

Often the first step into the light is telling a trusted friend or counselor.

"Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great effectiveness. . . . My brothers and sisters, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone turns him back, he should know that the one who turns a sinner back from his wandering path will save that person’s soul from death and cover a multitude of sins." (James 5:16–20 NET)

When we struggle with sexual temptation, the Bible exhorts us to come out of hiding and into Jesus’ arms. The twin doctrines of compassion and confession work together as powerful medicines. But it grieves me to say that, in my experience, neither is practiced in many churches today, at least not related to sins on the black list. We need places that welcome our confession, no matter its nature.

Let’s consider a few strategies to light up your church ethos and help one another, whether male or female, conquer sexual sin.

Provide safe caregivers willing to go the distance with messy people.

Designate someone on staff as the “go-to” guy and gal.

Set up accountability groups. Leaders, admit your imperfections and vulnerabilities.

Talk about it!

Recently, in a Dallas-area church, the pastor addressed the issue of pornography in a powerful sermon. Listen to this insightful comment he made about bringing black-list sins into the light.

"Black-list confessions are messy, requiring skilled caregivers, Jesus with skin on. Confessing may be harder than anything. You don’t want to confess to just anyone. Choose wisely whom you share your deepest secrets with; choose someone who cares enough about your relationship with God to get angry with your sin. Who is your confessor? Your confessor is your doctor, not your cheerleader. When I go to the doctor, I don’t want him to see something that is killing me and say, “Oh, that’s bad. But hang in there because I believe in you!” You need a doctor who says, “Let’s set up a plan to treat this right now. We can’t wait.”"

In the seminary where I teach, a student confessed his addiction to pornography in a chapel message aimed at funneling struggling students to secure help. Praise God—but we need more. People decay in the darkness of sexual sin.

We look forward to the day when repentant pornographers and prostitutes are drawn to churches the way wild women flocked to Jesus. In that day, people in the streets will be astounded at the power of God’s love. Families once torn apart by sexual sin will be healed, and sisters and brothers will partner together in an ethos of health and harmony.