Becoming a Grace Dispenser

In my last blog, I spoke of bullying and how we should be cognizant of what is going on in the lives of those in our ministry.  I urged you to “create a safe environment in our churches for our children and youth”.  What I did not do is elaborate some on what that safe environment looks like.  Let me begin by providing an example of what it does not look like.

In my last blog, I spoke of bullying and how we should be cognizant of what is going on in the lives of those in our ministry.  I urged you to “create a safe environment in our churches for our children and youth”.  What I did not do is elaborate some on what that safe environment looks like.  Let me begin by providing an example of what it does not look like.

A few years ago I was serving as children’s ministry director in a small church.  A parent came to me one evening upset about something that happened with a young boy whom we will call Peter.  This parent explained to me how Peter had blurted out an inappropriate word among all the children.  Her daughter went home and asked what the word meant forcing the parent to explain something she was not prepared to explain.  Her suggestion to me was to talk to Peter’s mom and explain to Peter’s mom that Peter would not be welcome among our group unless he behaved himself in an appropriate (as defined by her) way.  In her defense, I do not believe she was being malicious; I believe she thought she was acting on behalf of all the children, including her daughter, and wanted to protect the children.  She wanted church to be a safe environment and Peter’s uncontrolled outbursts threatened that safety.

I refused to ask Peter’s mom to remove him from our group, but did agree to talk to Peter’s mother.  I asked Peter’s mother about Peter and she explained to me that Peter suffers from a disorder that prevents him from acting ‘appropriately’ in social settings.  Peter had a coach and therapist teaching him skills he needed that would help him behave appropriately in social settings.  I explained what happened and she apologized on behalf of Peter.  She told me Peter needed to be around people in order to practice the skills he was learning and hoped church would be a safe place for him to do so.  She then removed Peter from our group on her own.  When I asked her why Peter was not coming any longer, she responded that while no one ever said anything to her, she did “feel the weight of judgment even from the people from my church.”  Peter and his family have since moved on.  I follow Peter’s mom on Facebook and it sounds like Peter is doing great.   Instead of being a place of safety for this one at least, this small children’s group became a place of judgment.  Not long after, I stepped down as Director of Children’s Ministry and moved on myself.

I now work and attend a church that has made creating a culture of grace one of its core values.  In his current sermon series, Dr. Gary Brandenburg, pastor of Fellowship Bible Church Dallas, is working through the six core values of the church.  As he discussed creating a culture of grace this past week, he offered these simple ABCs of dispensing grace and it is my privilege to now share them with you.  I have adapted them slightly as I speak to you, the Children’s ministry worker.

A – Accept others as God in Christ has accepted you.   How thankful we are that God does not give us a list of things we need to clean up before we come to Him.  Instead, He accepts us as we are and then allows the Holy Spirit to work on those things that need work.

B – Believe the best about people.  Give people the benefit of the doubt; do not be quick to judge.  There was a reason Peter was behaving the way he was and he was actively working on correcting inappropriate behavior.  Peter enjoyed coming and even invited his friends to join us.  He listened attentively and participated in class discussions.  When we are too quick to judge and believe the worst about people, we hurt the very people we want to help.

C – Commit yourself to belonging to a community of grace and to being a grace dispenser.  Commit to creating a culture of grace in your ministry.  Dr. Brandenburg explained, “Grace justifies the sinner; grace does not justify the sin.”  Use Scripture to correct sin when necessary (2 Timothy 3:16); just remember to love the sinner in the process.  More on grace next time; for now, if you’d like to hear or watch Dr. Brandenburg’s message in its entirety, visit www.fellowshipdallas.org/sermons/