The Tapeworm Gallery: Tall Tales

Salma Gundi's picture

            I see you putting the last touches on your Sunday school lesson on Genesis 2 and 3. Lots to cover in one hour. But you can do it. Glancing over your notes, I ought to point out a few technicalities. Hope you don't mind.  

            God made everything. He declared everything he made as good. And he made Adam and Eve—very good. That lasted.

            But remember that infamous tree? He and your type have fussed over it for centuries. Anyhoo...interesting that he planted it smack in the middle of the garden. That thing was as hidden as a stripper pole dancing during Sunday service. So why all the drama about an in-your-face tree with fruit no one could eat? (By the way, if my memory serves me, fruit holds one principal function: nourishment).

            Let me put it another way. Say you wanted to teach Christian and Grace about the dangers of smoking. You tell them never to partake, because if they do they will surely die. Well, you know teenagers—curious and insecure. They'd eat a pregnant cockroach if it meant fitting in.

            You're a good parent who loves your kids. How fair would it be to keep a pack of Marlboro's next to the TV remote? If you never wanted them to touch those tar-laden cancer sticks, you'd keep them out of sight.

            See what I mean? The hype only added to its appeal. And God knew it would. Poor Eve didn't stand a chance.

            Chew on this nectarous pome: He called it "the tree of knowledge of good and evil." He created the fruit to bestow discernment between good and evil. So God didn't want Adam and Eve to have wisdom? He applauded Solomon's request for wisdom. Why make a tree with fruit that gives wisdom, but not let anyone eat of it?

            God said not to eat of the tree. His glorious jaw must have hit the garden floor when she did. Probably flattened a few bushes. He knew and he could have stopped her. He only has omniscience and omnipotence going for him. He could have taken precautions if the prohibition meant that much. If he didn't want Adam and Eve to desire it, perhaps placing the tree on the garden's periphery with blue moldy fruit would have made more sense. If he meant what he said.

            But he chose to make a tree with scrumptious fruit, place it in plain view, and ban it. Go figure. He prearranged the failure, but then punished them for disobeying. And for what? His own entertainment? A tease? A test? What kind of teacher gives a test knowing the students will fail?

            And you call him merciful and just.    

            Before I close, let's not forget the other tree—the tree of life. Since Adam and Eve forfeited the gift of immortality (so unfair) by eating of the first tree, God had to banish them from the garden so they wouldn't partake of the tree of life. Ahhh. A fail-safe for disobedience. Clever. And timely.   

            Well, look at the time. I didn't mean to keep you up 'till two. T minus seven hours? Don't worry.  You got this.

See you at Sunday school.

~Tapeworm.               

Warning: The faint-hearted should proceed with caution. The Tapeworm Gallery has as its main character, Tapeworm, a demon out to undermine Christian women. Inspired by Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, this fiction satire series exposes the author's interpretation of what a demon might say to a Christian audience. With data collected from current events, the news, articles, theological study, and face-to-face interviews to uncover context and paradigm, the author feels the blog practically writes itself. Enjoy and please comment.

Blessings, Salma

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