Know Someone with Breast Cancer?

I must have been about eight years old. Wearing my black leotard, I had just finished doing cartwheels on the lawn and come into the house. I plopped down at the piano bench and knew immediately from the look on my mom’s face that something was wrong. “Your aunt has breast cancer,” she said.

Back then they used words like “cobalt treatment” along with radiation and chemotherapy. And my beloved aunt waged a valiant fight. For some years her cancer went into remission, but eventually breast cancer led to bone cancer, and she died a painful death.

We’ve come a long way since then in the treatment of breast cancer. But we still have a long way to go. Earlier this year a dear friend—a young mom with three girls—found out she has breast cancer. And she has plenty of company:

. Every 2 minutes, a woman learns she has the disease.
. Every 14 minutes, someone dies from it.
. Over 40,000 people will die this year; about 400 of them will be men.
. 85% of cases will occur among those having no family history of breast cancer.
. In her lifetime 1 in 8 women will hear those dreaded words: “You have breast cancer.”

Breast cancer is the leading cause of death in women between ages 40 and 55. In the United States breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer-related death in women. But while the breast cancer diagnosis rate has increased, the death rate has also steadily dropped since the 1990s.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Are you aware that the two most significant risk factors are (a) being a woman and (b) growing older? I hope you get regular mammograms and do self checks. Beyond that, here are some things you can do to minister to the sick:

• If your church doesn’t have a support group, ask a cancer survivor to organize one.
• Pray. Rather than saying, “I will pray for you” beforehand, actually pray and then tell her afterward that you’ve been remembering her.
• If your friend is facing a long-term hospitalization, photograph her pet and send her the shot. An oncology chaplain tells me that one of the greatest griefs for long-term patients is losing contact with their cats and dogs.
• Remember that food preferences may change during chemotherapy. Providing a meal is great, but ask before delivering those favorite fajitas. Also, about 60 percent of women doing chemo gain weight, so go easy on the bread and bring fruit instead of brownies.
• Help others in the patient’s network. Husbands, kids, parents, siblings, and friends are distressed too. Provide gift bags and gift cards, mowed lawns, cleaning help, and carpool runs.
• Ask “How are you doing?” The worst that can happen is that you’ll hear, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Once you’ve covered the health stuff, be prepared to talk about other topics.
• Know you don’t have to comment on looks. If your loved one looks awful, don’t say, “You look great!”
• Value the ministry of absence. When visiting, be sensitive by keeping the time short. Better to be asked to stay than have the patient wish you’d leave. Long visits drain precious energy, whether happening face-to-face or on the phone.
• Value the ministry of presence. Know that complete absence stings. Sometimes we don’t know what to say, so we say and do nothing. Yet that absence can feel like abandonment. Only this week a friend in pain whom I was trying to “give space” told me my distance hurt. I should have at least sent a card that said, “I’m here if you want to talk.”

It’s been said that ninety percent of ministry is just “showing up,” whether literally or through a call, card, or service. How can you be “Jesus with skin on” for someone going through trauma?