My Totally-Reasonable-Completely-Ineffectual List Habit
Before Hubby & I got married, I gave him lists. A lot of lists. Lists of all the reasons we couldn't date, then why we couldn't get engaged, then why we certainly couldn't get married. They were full of perfectly rational reasons and great points. Reasons like "you're too young for me" and "I don't want to live in your beloved state" and "I have ugly scars from surgeries". I was quite serious. He'd listen to them, and laugh, and just keep pursuing me. He–thankfully–wasn't swayed by my "impeccable arguments". Sound like Anyone else we know? Thank God, yes.
Before Hubby & I got married, I gave him lists. A lot of lists. Lists of all the reasons we couldn't date, then why we couldn't get engaged, then why we certainly couldn't get married. They were full of perfectly rational reasons and great points. Reasons like "you're too young for me" and "I don't want to live in your beloved state" and "I have ugly scars from surgeries". I was quite serious. He'd listen to them, and laugh, and just keep pursuing me. He–thankfully–wasn't swayed by my "impeccable arguments". Sound like Anyone else we know? Thank God, yes.
Before I was a Christ-follower, I gave God lists–lists with (less than impeccable) arguments like "I'm good enough" and "I'm in control of my own life" and "you don't know all the bad stuff I've done". He listened and wasn't swayed. He just kept pursuing me.
I still give lists to God. I explain all the reasons I need this outcome and not that one. I pray like I'm ordering off a menu (I'll take a #2 combo life, supersized, extra income, hold the pain.) I lay out the argument to convince him why I should have that job or this house, what I need and when I should have it.
And I imagine that God listens, and laughs, and just keeps pursuing his plan. On bad days, I turn into a two-year-old: I feel neglected, frustrated, resentful. I pout like a child or try to do it myself. I wonder if he's forgotten me or if I've fallen through some theological loophole that makes me an exception to all I thought I knew about God's relationship to his children. I hold my list tightly, and wonder why he rejected it.
On better days, I remember that getting God's way is infinitely better than getting my own way. I submit to his will quickly and recognize that his logic really was better than mine. I let go of my list and grab on to what he puts before me.
On my best days, I don't give Him lists at all.
2 Comments
Just Me
Oh yes, I’m a recovering “list-maker”
I totally get this. I am the list maker, the habit starter, the…well you get the picture. I think the true term is…control freak. *Gulp* And I am continually reminded Who IS in control, haha – and it's not me, not by a long shot.
Great post! 🙂
Laura Singleton
Control Freak…
Oh, man! I was hoping we'd avoid that (very appropriate) word! LOL.