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No Need to Beg

I've had quite a week. Spent most of my time in the hospital with my dad. Through my crazy week, God taught me a lot about our relationship and about my prayers.

I've had quite a week. Spent most of my time in the hospital with my dad. Through my crazy week, God taught me a lot about our relationship and about my prayers.

First, a disclaimer: I don't believe in formulas when it comes to God. Just because he's doing this in my life doesn't mean that he's going to work the same way in anybody else's life (or even in my life down the road). So, that said, here's what happened…

Hospital waiting room, 12:04 a.m. Wednesday:

My dad had been doing well since he got out of the operating room hours ago. The procedure on his heart was fairly small and has a good success rate. Mom and I were settled into the uncomfortable plastic waiting room chairs when the surgeon happened to pass through the room. He waved and said hello, and almost as an afterthought, tossed out that dad's heart rate had started fluctuating wildly and that they were trying medication to control it. If that didn't work, they'd chemically reboot his heart.

Two hours later, we had no new information. I stewed in imaginations and the memories of my own botched and near-fatal medical procedure from 2005. I prayed, but wondered if I was praying enough, with enough passion, with enough faith. I started to work myself up to Hannah-like begging, when I felt a firm "No." Immediately, I realized that I have never gotten anything I've prayed for that way. Never. Exhausted and worried already, I had no idea what this meant. Does God not love me? Does he not listen to me? Does he not care about the things I care most about? What does that mean? "God, you've got to show me what that means."

We went home and slept soon after, and spent the week in and out of the room, in and out of stress and trust and exhaustion. Dad slowly got better and ultimately was released on Friday. But my answer wouldn't come until Saturday.

On Saturday, a friend called out of the blue. "I have some news–guess what it is." She's getting married, I thought, even though I was pretty sure she hadn't been dating anyone. I thought this because I'd been praying for exactly that for over a month.

Now, I've known this girl for almost 10 years. While I've prayed for her Mr. Right in the past, it's usually been after I've seen her, or when the subject was on my radar. Not this time. This time, I was just creating a list of things I felt compelled to pray for, and she was on it.

As I spoke to her, God spoke to me, connecting the dots. One of my favorite prayers is asking God to help me pray for things he wants to answer, to give me the delight of my heart because my heart is aligned to his. When this happens, I get to see him in process. I get to be involved in supporting his work with God-initiated prayers. On the other hand, when I beg for things, they're self-initiated. I beg when I don't trust him and his plan, when I'd trade his will for mine, when I want him to change his mind.

So, for now, here's the lesson God is teaching me: I don't need to beg him to take care of me. I just need to trust him. His plan may not be the one I would have chosen, but it's always–always–the best one.

Laura Singleton’s passion is the transformation that happens when women get access to God’s Word and God’s Word gets access to women. She was twenty-five when her life was turned upside down by an encounter with Jesus Christ. With an insatiable thirst for scripture and theology, she soon headed to Dallas Theological Seminary to learn more about Jesus, and left with a Th.M. with an emphasis in Media Arts. She, along with two friends from DTS, travel the nation filming the independent documentary Looking for God in America. She loves speaking and teaching and is the author of Insight for Living Ministry’s Meeting God in Familiar Places and hundreds of ads, which pay the bills. Her big strong hubby Paul is a former combat medic, which is handy since Laura’s almost died twice already. She loves photography, travel and her two pugs.

2 Comments

  • Monica

    Been there, done that

    Thanks for this post.  I had a similar epiphany recently when it struck me how often my prayers really are little more than me saying to God: "give me what I want." I realized that while it is good and appropriate to bring our petitions to God, my prayer life had devolved into time spent asking God to rubber-stamp the scenario I had already decided was best. He gave me grace to understand that submission to Him does not equal me deciding how things should be and expecting Him to go along because my requests seem (to me) small and reasonable. The important lesson for me is to do the work of trusting Him to do what is best, not in a grudging if-I-must sort of way, but as a child trusts a father. I'm still working on it!

  • Laura Singleton

    Our Very good, Perfect, Sovereign, Loving Father

    Monica, I love how you said that, "as a child trusts a father"–especially since we are children of a very good, perfect, sovereign, loving Father!