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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Tall Tales

                I see you putting the last touches on your Sunday school lesson on Genesis 2 and 3. Lots to cover in one hour. But you can do it. Glancing over your notes, I ought to point out a few technicalities. Hope you don't mind.               God made everything. He declared everything he made as good. And he made Adam and Eve—very good. That lasted.             But remember that infamous tree? He and your type have fussed over it for centuries. Anyhoo…interesting that he planted it smack in the middle of the garden. That thing was as hidden as a stripper pole dancing during…

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    Are Ghosts Real?

    The morning program on a Dallas radio station recently featured a story about one of the show personalities going to a “ghost hunt” at a supposedly haunted hospital. The staffer came back with video of a flashlight turning on and off by itself. She went as a skeptic but came back as a believer. In ghosts. She offered her perspective: we all go to heaven or hell, but some people get delayed on their way to their final destination. The discussion opened a stream of callers eager to share their “knowledge” about ghosts, such as the woman who has slept in cemeteries to learn about spirits. “Sometimes children don’t know…

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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Something New Under the Sun

                December 31 has arrived, though not soon enough. You've counted down the days for Crabatha's departure. I succeeded in keeping you perpetually irritated with her (and Mark) these past nine weeks. I know you will miss her lemon face and nails-on-chalkboard nagging. But no worries. I have someone else in the cue to prick your sensitivities. So keep forgetting Jesus, and keep focusing on your rights.              Speaking of rights, I saw your list—your 2016 Happiness Umbrella of Needs, Goals, Entitlements, and Resolutions. Adorable. I see you want to stop living in the past. Great idea. I prefer you keep your eyes on the…

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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Ten Effective Ways to Help Heathens Love Jesus

    Between smart phone Bibles and Hollywood churning out a new R-rated movie every seventeen seconds, the world is spiraling downward too fast. Christian living is losing ground in America, as more millennials leave the church. Before you know it, Christian and Grace will be praying standing upright. Can you stop it? No. But you can slow down the process. Here are ten things you can do to make people want to come to church, and help bring the lost to Jesus. I know you have tried most of these already. Keep plugging away. Don’t give up. 1. Memorize Leviticus. 2. Lose the contact information for any socially inept visitor to your…

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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Hide and Don’t Seek

    So Pastor Mike asked you to oversee Women's Ministry…   Call 911. I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe…   Interesting that you accepted…But I guess after Liz moved back to Virginia, someone had to step up in your small church.    Did you notice Crabatha's look when you made the announcement at dinner last night?   Or maybe she just had indigestion from her under-ripe, out-of-season Watermelon Onion Salad.   But hey…you surpass most women in piety and holiness. Or at least your generous publicized donations to the crisis pregnancy center, and fluency in Christianese make others think so.       I don't know why you bother going…

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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Candy-Coated Catnap

    October 29. Just hearing someone utter "pumpkin" gets you giddy like a high school cheerleader. But not this year… Despite what Pastor Mike says, Grace and Christian should attend the Monsters' Ball. They will make a fine vampire-ballerina and zombie-policeman for this innocuous school dance. Besides, they haven't dressed up since grade school. People need to relax with the whole "Halloween is evil" bit. Since when is fun a bad thing? Since half-baked, fanatic, church weirdos said so? Just don't let their Halloween pictures land on Facebook. You don't need Pastor Mike's wife getting into your business . . . again. Speaking of meddling . . .  your dread pirate mother-in-law,…

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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Wounds from a Friend

    Bible.org's Women's Leadership Team welcomes Salma Gundi as a regular Engage blogger with part 2 of a series begun when Sandra Glahn published part 1 of Salma's essay as a guest blogger here: The Tapeworm Gallery: Dense Fog Advisory.  OK, I stepped out of line. Never meant to offend you. The Boss-Dragon spat fire upon me for picking on Bible-Belters. (The breath on that creature—reminds me of weeks-old curry in a baby's diaper.) I get you. You came from a good Christian home. Your daddy even served as deacon. Women at church respect you. You inhabit the epicenter of goodness. And that's all that matters. I get desperate. You don't exactly give me…

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    The Tapeworm Gallery: Dense Fog Advisory

    Today we have a guest post from Salma Gundi, a seminary student. In the spirit of Screwtape, she imagines what Tapeworm might say to a woman in Christian leadership in the Bible belt. Just remember: "One little word shall fell him."  You don't know me. But I know you. The Boss assigned me to your zone before your birth. And I've contemplated you ever since. I came to exist prior to the garden—even prior to the universe. I've covered countless territories over millions of years. But the Bible Belt? Daunting. Could my kind survive here? Although you outnumber me, my kind lurks everywhere you turn. I can't reproduce like you.…

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    Don’t Believe Like the Demons Believe!

    One of our pastors shares a favorite story: a young man in Sweden, while trying to get rid of the watermark on his trial software so he could use it illegally, did some online research that led him to a YouTube film clip from our church (Watermark Community Church) making the case for waiting to have sex before marriage. The twenty-something had never heard of such a thing, and while it sounded crazy to him, he continued to watch more clips, which intrigued him further, and he did more research that led him to the conclusion, “Wait a minute, there’s something really different about these people.” So he called the…

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    Watching Dr. Phil Through a Discernment Filter

    I like Dr. Phil (McGraw), the host of one of TV’s top-rated daytime programs, but it’s essential to keep a biblical discernment filter in place when watching his show. Last week I winced to see that his producers had talked him into bringing a couple of self-proclaimed psychics onto the program. Dr. Phil calls himself “a skeptic but not a cynic,” and he took the bait. His audience was wildly appreciative of the topic and his guests. In fact, Dr. Phil displayed a stack of emails at least a foot and half high from people anxious to contact “the other side.” Unfortunately, his wife Robin was one of the “believers”…