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Why curriculums often shut down mentoring
In her eye-opening book Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults: Life-Giving Rhythms for Spiritual Transformation, co-author Jana Sundene describes her first attempt at mentoring. “I was guilty of approaching her with an agenda—one that really didn’t have much to do with her—rather than exploring her questions. . .. I was also serving a method. The discipleship book that was placed in my hands became the way to serve her. . .. it hung between us like a film that I could barely see her through, and our discussions fell flat.” Like Jana, the goal for many older mentors is to teach a Bible study or spiritual curriculum. We love…
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Let God be your mentoring match-maker
One of the most frequently asked questions I get from women concerns mentoring. Young women crave a more experienced woman to walk with them through life and help them grow up as all-in Christ followers. But when older women set up mentoring "programs" that artificially match women, young women often describe these programs as "scary". What might work better than a tightly orchestrated mentoring "program"? Instead of leaders trying to micro-manage other people's mentoring relationships, why don't we all try to create a mentoring culture where women connect naturally. Why don't we all learn the ins and outs of mentoring today. What worked in 1990 won't work in 2015. In…
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Clear Summer Days
Ah, the first weeks of summer vacation—a blissful time in the life of a mother and her children. Kids have finally finished the school year and moms have hung their chauffeur hats for a while. The Monday morning rush has come to a halt, the emails from school have completely ceased and at the end of the day, mothers across the country can finally stop asking, “Did you finish your homework? Did you study for your test?” The beginning of summer brings such sweet hopes. It gives mothers and children an opportunity to commit their time to each other. Mothers make endless promises of fun and the kids—especially teens—realize they…
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Valentine’s Day–What’s the Mark of True Love?
How real is love? Valentine’s Day is a good time to assess how much we love both our significant others and our God. The definitive mark of true love is willing sacrifice. Every relationship has some element of sacrifice, but what’s the attitude behind it? Is it out of coercion, a sense of “ought,” or joy? The depth of God’s love for us is marked by the willingness of Jesus, God himself, to come to earth, become man, live among us, and die a cruel death on the cross carrying the ugliness of our sins and those of the world. “For this is the way God loved the…
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My Shirley Temple Moment
Almost everyone I know has a Shirley Temple moment in his or her life. Whether it happened forcefully or unexpected, many of us have a story to tell that includes a Shirley Temple movie or song. I think that’s why most of us feel a sense of loss in her passing. My Shirley Temple moment lasted for just a little while, but the lesson I learned from it has persevered. I performed On the Good Ship Lollipop in a church talent show to raise money for something—I can’t remember what, but I know it involved a high-school trip. Anyway, right before taking the stage, I got sick and…
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Don’t Just Survive
Today I'm happy to have as my guest Mary DeMuth, my dear friend who's an author and speaker. Her desire is to help people live “uncaged,” freedom-infused lives. She’s the author of fifteen books, including six novels, a memoir, and most recently The Wall Around Your Heart, from which today’s column is adapted. (It appeared in similar form at Crosswalk.com. I read the book and endorsed it.) After church planting in Southern France, Mary, her husband, and their three young adult kids now live in the ‘burbs of Dallas. To find out more about Mary, visit her website, facebook, twitter, or wallaroundyourheart.com, Some of us cope with relational pain by choosing to live in survivor…
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Don’t let conflict spoil your Christmas
I still remember the Christmas I let a passive-aggressive comment dampen my Christmas spirit. I made my best coconut cream pie–a Christmas family favorite. As I was slicing it up, I asked who wanted whipped cream. My husband's new step-mother answered back, "Is it real whipped cream or cool whip?" "It's real whipped cream," I responded thinking she would appreciate the extra mile. "Well," she huffed, "then I won't have any." Later I learned that this new member of our family secretly resented any woman who did not work outside the home–I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and my homemade goodies threatened her. That abrupt remark wounded…
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Make the Holidays People Time
I'm an introvert, but I love people, and I'm looking forward to special times during the holidays with family and friends. But I know I'll also need some alone time with God to refuel. Too much time with people over a short time wears me out. That's how God wired me, and all you other introverts too. My mother was an introvert who ultimately lived as a recluse. I don't want to turn out like that. So I've been pondering ways to make sure I keep community central to life. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert we all need authentic community and the holidays provide wonderful opportunities to…
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The Gift of Being Fully Present
Our technological world breeds distraction. Our televisions or IPods draw us during dinner, whether at home or in a restaurant. Our phones interrupt us with calls and texts. There is always a fresh blog to read. If we miss anything, it usually isn’t from lack of trying. What happens to our relationships? It’s difficult to have in-depth conversations and caring relationships when we are distracted by other things instead of being fully present. Last night I observed two groups at the restaurant where we were eating dinner. Whereas people at other tables were enjoying both food and conversation, these particular groups rarely looked up from their texting to converse with…
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Number One Priority
“What is your highest priority in life?” How would you answer that question? What do most women say? A recent survey of Christian women by George Barna found that 53% ranked family first, while only 16% prioritized their faith. The total number of women who responded with health, career, and comfortable lifestyle is larger than the group that chose faith.We women have significant influence and responsibility when it comes to our husbands, our children, and often other extended family members. God gives us such relationships as a stewardship, and we want to be found faithful in the end. We have the opportunity to exert more influence there than anywhere else;…
