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Understanding the Male Factor

We often communicate love on Valentine’s Day with flowers, candy and cards. But how do we communicate love the rest of year? When the book, The Five Love Languages, came out in 1992, it had a profound impact on our marriage. As simplistic as it appears on the surface, the concept has great application not only for marriage, but all relationships. Initially I was reading the book in the car and asked my husband to take the “test” with me. Since I had him captive on a road trip, he agreed.  Much to my chagrin, I discovered that it was I who was the one who didn’t love my husband in his love language. While I loved him passionately in my love language, he didn’t always interpret my love the way it was intended. In case you are curious, his love language is time, and that was my lowest score. But, moving on…

My second, aha marriage moment came many years later when I heard Shaunti Feldhahn       speak on “For Women Only” at the National Religious Broadcasters luncheon. The topic was based on Ephesians 5. Thinking I knew that passage pretty well, I relaxed in my seat. However, after her introduction that included “analyst on Wall Street, Masters from Harvard, works with Focus on the Family, etc.” I got out my notepad and pen. I knew this would be no ordinary presentation.

In her research of interviewing over 3,000 men around the country and even the globe, she learned their number one need was to be respected and to feel trusted. Not for sex, you say? Yes, most women thought that would be the response. However, God gave us the correct answer long ago…right there in Ephesians 5. Let’s look again.

In Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul writes about the relationship with Wives and Husbands, and some women have cringed over verse 22, “Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord.” Paul continues on in verse 23 to explain “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” Finally, he closes this chapter with these words:  “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Respect.  Dear friends, how can we show more respect for the men in our lives?

Perhaps you are thinking…I’m not married….does this apply? It does because you do have a father, perhaps a brother, male friends and even colleagues that are men.  

At First Friday last week, I had the privilege of hearing Shaunti speak on this topic again and also, learning of her latest book, The Male Factor, which is about better understanding the men we work and serve with. It has been suggested that any woman in leadership should read this book. Another review stated “This book is well researched; very readable…it provides rare insights into how men see women in the work place.”

My sisters in Christ, how do men perceive us in the workplace? How can we help men to feel comfortable with us?  Does this mean we need to conform to simply make them comfortable? No, but let’s make wise decisions backed up with solid information. We can be more effective when we remove obstacles in the workplace. Look for ways to apply just one principle from the book and observe any changes in your work relationships and/or marriage.

Just as in a marriage, men’s number one need in the workplace is to be respected and feel trusted. Men harbor self-doubt. Let’s be sensitive to that fact.

So, why do men misunderstand our emotions? Shaunti says it is because men view emotions as not being logical. If a woman is being emotional at work, she cannot be logical and therefore not able to make good judgment calls. Why do men think this way?  Men compartmentalize. They shut down their emotion compartment at work while we continue to multi-task with our minds and emotions working simultaneously. One does not weaken the other.   

Sue Edwards and Kelley Mathews wrote Mixed Ministry: Working Together in an Oversexed Society in which they dealt with many of the complex issues facing women and men working together which is another excellent book to add to your library.

I encourage you to read any of Shaunti Feldhahn’s books and now her latest book, The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace. I welcome some interesting dialogue on the subject.  
 

One Comment

  • patti gail

    I welcomed your comments
    I welcomed your comments Jody. I am never quite sure how to work with men so I just act naturally- without thought as to how they perceive me or what they need from me- as one of the few Christians in the office. Their need to be respected and trusted is going to be on my mind today. I will get the book.