A month ago today, I had major surgery to repair an issue in my cervical spine. It didn’t come without risks. As a matter of fact, the risks were great, possible paralysis, loss of voice and ability to swallow and the list goes on.
When I first heard the news, I was scared and I cried because it wasn’t something I wanted to hear, much less something I wanted to go through. You know the deer in the headlights analogy? That was my reaction. I sat staring at the doctor like he had turnips growing out of his ears. I was expecting minmimally invasive surgery. He was telling me major surgery. (Major surgery with major risks.)
I went home afterwards and repaired my makeup, and headed into work where I finally gave up repairing my makeup. All day, I mulled over in my head, “Major surgery, major risks,” while trying to work and trying not to cry.
It took about a day to get my head and heart around what was coming. Then I felt ready to finally say, “Okay God, even in this, you are good. I trust you.” That gave me so much peace because I knew that no matter what came, He was in control. I certainly wasn’t in control as much as I wanted to be. But none of us really are. We can plan and work, but when it comes right down to it, control in life is an elusive thing. But, as I surrendered to God and His will, you will not believe what He did for me.
As I sat in my office on day two, I received a email with a bible study lesson from a friend. It was all about Psalm 91:1-2, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed to take shelter in God. I needed to rest in Him, the One, who is so great and so powerful that there is rest in His Shadow!
I got up from my desk to go grab a cup of coffee and when I got back to my office, someone had taped a copy of Psalm 91:1-2 to my computer screen. Twice in one day, God was telling me to trust Him and take shelter in Him. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I read the verse again.
I silently prayed. “Thank you God for loving me so well. Thank you for walking this hard journey with me.”
I returned to my work and thanked Him for giving me peace even though I felt afriad.
When I got home that night, I turned on my personal email, to find that someone from my Sunday School class wanted to set up meals for me for after surgery. In her email, she quoted the verse, Psalm 91:1-2.
I thought. Lord, this is three times in two days. “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” I thanked God that He was using people around me to show me His love. I smiled and peace filled my heart because I knew He had heard my prayers, and He was walking this road with me.
The next day at work, I turned on my computer and opened my email.
As I read through all the work emails, I saw that someone had forwarded a devotional to me. You got it. Psalm 91:1-2. I almost laughed outloud, because you can’t make this kind of stuff up. I silently prayed and thanked God for being there for me. I told Him I heard Him and I trusted Him that whatever came, I could get through it with Him.
A little later in the day, as I was sitting at my desk, another co-worker came in and asked if she could pray for me and my upcoming surgery. I said, “Yes of course.” But when she prayed, Psalm 91:1-2, I almost fell out of my chair. After she finished praying, I told her, she was the fifth person to give me that verse in three days. God was speaking to me for sure.
As I got home that night, I realized I no longer had fear about the surgery. I was at peace. I was ready “to do this thing” (surgery) and walk this road with the Lord.
Prior to surgery, my dear friend explained to me that Psalm 91:1-2 is often called the 911 Psalm. When someone is going through a difficulty or hardship and needs hope, people often go to it. I believe that is true. But, I also believe that God used that Psalm to minister to my heart, to encourage my soul and to give me peace.
Right up to the time that I was about to be taken back to surgery, I heard comforting verses. My mom and dad were with me and on my mom’s phone she got a verse for the day. It wasn’t Psalm 91, it was another verse, Isaiah 41:10
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
I was totally at peace going into surgery. God watched over me during it and as I sit here writing this four weeks post-op, I can tell you that it hasn’t been easy or without pain, but He has been there through it all with me. “I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” Psalm 91:1-2.
What are you facing today, that God wants you to trust Him with?