Meeting Others Where They Are

For the last month, I’ve been sitting on the sidelines of suffering…

A friend’s sister is struck down by an aneurysm deep in her brain. During the week’s vigil at the hospital, her husband contracts the flu. Then one of her children. Her responsibilities at work must wait while she sits helpless, grieving, bewildered.

Another friend’s toddler gets rushed to ICU with breathing difficulties related to asthma. This mom is 10 weeks pregnant–exhausted, sick, and at the end of herself. How will she make her house super-duper germ-free like the doctors advise? How will she even summon the energy to make dinner the next night?

Yet another friend loses a family member in a tragic accident. She waits for a week while memorial plans are developed and she can know when to book her flight cross-country. Life gets put on hold as she grieves a thousand miles from those who share her loss.

Even my husband has endured loss–the use of his thumb! Injured in an unremarkable slip and fall while kicking the soccer ball around with our son, he soon realized the “minor sprain” was instead a major ligament snap. Surgery was scheduled, and accomplished, yesterday. My job these last three weeks? To watch him hurt. Not much else to do…can’t exactly take on the pain myself.

It’s been a hard month! Traumatic events that hurt my loved ones make me hurt, too–for them. So it’s a completely different kind of hurting. Watching loved ones suffer really stinks. That feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming for someone more suited to action. Yes, I’m a “fix it” kind of person.

There was a time in my life when I would have been tempted to believe that I needed to suffer, too, in order to really “share” what they were going through. As in, I don’t deserve to be alright when everyone else’s life is turned upside down.

Thankfully, I know that belief to be a lie. Yes, pain is part of life no matter who you are and what you believe. (As Wesley in The Princess Bride put it, “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.”) But for those who put their faith in Christ, the pain leads to something greater.

The Bible tells us that suffering is not meant to be endured alone. 1 Corinthians 12:14,26 “For in fact the body is not a single member, but many… If one member suffers, everyone suffers with it. If a member is honored, all rejoice with it.”We are in fact, exhorted to join the hurting. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

As the events of the last month have unfolded, two things have impressed me:

1. The body of Christ–not just the church but the circles of friends for each person–has come through in amazing ways. The power of a community coming together, surrounding the hurting…this cannot be overstated.

Friends invaded the home of the boy with asthma, scrubbing baseboards, disinfecting bathrooms, mopping, dusting… they brought food for weeks, too, to help Mom as she got her strength back. Others sent continuous messages of hope, love, and prayers–and offers of tangible help–while my friend sat at her sister’s bedside. In-laws stepped in to help with the kids. Expressions of love continue to reach her.

Similarly, countless messages of sympathy encouraged my other friend dealing with long-distance loss. Even in my husband’s situation, we received offers of help and a last-minute carpool rescue when the recovery period infringed on our schedule. People came through, in each situation. No one could solve the problem, but they didn’t let that stop them from supporting the hurting and loving them through the worst of it.

2. My prayer life has improved dramatically. Mostly, I think, because I had little other recourse. Nothing I could do would help these hurting people. But my God can, and does! So I call out to Him on their behalf–more often, more fervently, more gratefully. Knowing He loves each of my loved ones (more than I do), and that His power extends far beyond my puny reach, comforts me.

A paradox of the Christian life is the joy that is found in pain. A strange concept, but it’s real. With one part of us hurting, the other part can be filled to the brim by the love and care of others. Be a part of that community! Be a part of the healing. Serve, pray for, hug, and talk to those in pain. Be Jesus to them!