Color-Coded Attractions

After 9/11, the U.S. government installed a color-coded alarm system to alert us to the threat of enemy attack—from red for severe risk, down to green for low. They knew that there are seasons when we need to be particularly diligent related to our security, but our responses should be based on solid evidence. It is foolish and wasteful to be on red alert all the time.

After 9/11, the U.S. government installed a color-coded alarm system to alert us to the threat of enemy attack—from red for severe risk, down to green for low. They knew that there are seasons when we need to be particularly diligent related to our security, but our responses should be based on solid evidence. It is foolish and wasteful to be on red alert all the time.

Sexual attractions can also be color-coded. Fortunately, none of us is attracted to everyone. Some have assumed that everyone is severe risk, and as a result, like the Pharisees or the Taliban, have outlawed working with the opposite sex altogether. They are on red alert all the time. Of course those with special addictions should adopt a “constant red alert” strategy—but that’s not everyone. Jesus and Paul worked alongside women in the first century. Banning women from ministry because of sexual temptation is not God’s way, and it eliminates over half the work force. But we need a battle plan—in fact we need several.

Some mixed-gender relationships signal green alert, low risk. Your friend’s ninety-year-old grandmother probably won’t be a danger for most men under eighty. If a woman works with a man she finds unappealing, he is not likely to show up in her dreams. There are green alert people who drift in and out of our lives and they don’t pose much danger. Our goal as brothers and sisters is to see everyone as green.

However, attractions are tricky. We don’t wake up in the morning and say, “I think I’ll have an affair today.” It happens over time and with people that surprise us. So the code blue alert, “guarded,” is a wise plan of action with most people we work with. Guarded doesn’t mean we act silly, building fences that squelch a healthy sibling friendship. Guarded means we use sound judgment as we interact.
The other colors, yellow, orange, and red alerts, differ for men and women and for individuals within the same gender, but all require serious attention. Various factors come into play—emotional and spiritual health, maturity, previous struggles, temperament, vulnerability to the visual, and so on.

For some men, and even a few women, intense physical attractions are a constant battle, requiring automatic and constant red alert in all mixed-gender settings. If you fall under this category, find someone trustworthy in whom you can confide, and consider accepting the help of professionals. You should work hard for emotional health before assuming influential ministry positions where you could use your power to take advantage of others or defame the Lord. Self control is mandatory for ministry leaders.

For others sexual attractions calls for an SOS prayer and a concerted effort at self talk, remembering that even this attractive man or woman is a person first, a creature Jesus loves dearly, and someone deserving respect and kindness. A mature brother has his sister’s best interest at heart, even if she looks good, and will submit his fleshly desires to Jesus, asking for the fruit of the Spirit to be evident in his life. And for many women, the old adage “beauty is only skin deep” applies to the men they see. To take her to the next alert level it would require more than eye appeal—it demands a relational element.

Because of the complexity of the issue and individuals, God does not give us a formula or rule book, although many try to implement one, hoping for a guarantee. He asks us to develop a heart like his. Following a formula is the Pharisee way—not the Jesus way.

Our task is more complicated. Know yourself and what moves you up the alert ladder. Just as Homeland Security takes precautionary steps to deal with a raised alert, we must be alert and wise— especially as we work in mixed-gender teams—but not at the expense of community.