Tapeworm Gallery: On the Seventh Day

2016. New year. Same old struggles. Between church, family, work, Bible study leadership, and keeping clean linens and dishes, who has time for Sabbath rest?

Oh, but busyness isn’t a struggle. Busyness makes you feel important. Besides, I am all for anything that keeps you too preoccupied to read your Bible, too exhausted to have sex with your husband, and too hurried to cultivate authentic relationships with women at church.

Hey, but at least you pray. Consistently. Or that’s what you call that daily rush-through string of words your Christian upbringing taught you to parrot. Sort of like that rhyme you recite before eating dinner.

Despite what Crabatha and Mark say, I think you juggle life well. So no need to postpone leading that new Genesis series. I know the story inside out. I can help you prep.

I’ll let you in on a secret. When Mark suggests you slow down more and commit to less, it’s not because he worries about you grinding your teeth and getting migraines. It’s because he feels jealous of your accolades. Why else do you think he suggests you go part-time at work? Your teenaged kids don’t need their mommy anymore. You only see their faces through your rearview mirror while playing chauffer. Only women with preschoolers work part-time.

Sure, Mark earns enough to keep a family of four comfortable. But that would mean downsizing your lifestyle. And who wants a smaller house? You have just enough closet space for all those Christmas decorations, old electronics, and clothes that no longer fit. You did not go to college and grad school for 10 years to live in a house smaller than your parents’, and have your husband forever scrutinize your every purchase.

So keep bringing home take-out after work from Ling’s Chinese or Vinny’s Italian Kitchen, after running Christian and Grace to and from swimming, piano, and cheerleading. After dinner, plop down onto that white leather sofa and fall asleep to Jeff Lewis flipping properties in Los Feliz.

Spend your weekends between Target, church committees, laundry, catching up on emails and checking Facebook. Don’t bother picking up the phone to maintain relationships with relatives and friends. Texting works just as well, and is less intrusive.

By Sunday night you’ll have about an hour to spare for Mark and the kids.

The best part? No time to spare for Him.

Warning: The faint-hearted should proceed with caution. The Tapeworm Gallery has as its main character, Tapeworm, a demon out to undermine Christian women. Inspired by Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, this fiction satire series exposes the author's interpretation of what a demon might say to a Christian audience. With data collected from current events, the news, articles, theological study, and face-to-face interviews to uncover context and paradigm, the author feels the blog practically writes itself. Enjoy and please comment.

Blessings, Salma

American-born Salma Gundi graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary in 2017 with a Masters in Biblical and Theological Studies. Salma has a passion for leading women, and has led women's Bible studies, and multiple small groups for women who grew up in dysfunctional homes. Salma enjoys speaking at women's events, and is known by the catchphrase, "Stop faking the funk—start keeping it real." She hopes to continue ministering to women through writing, speaking, and teaching. Salma, who grew up in California miles from the Pacific Beaches, came to saving faith in 1991 after a Campus Crusade for Christ Creation vs Evolution debate. The (unofficial) black sheep of her family, she graduated summa cum laude with a degree in Feather Ruffling. Her consanguineous relatives consume a strict vegetarian diet, and were it not for lobster with lemon butter sauce, she would do the same. Salma's husband is a psychotherapist, and also at graduate of DTS.