Can You Love an Adopted Child As Much As a Biological One?
People have asked me how many kids we’re going to have. (We’re about to have our first right now.) I’ve told them I guess more than one. Then, I mention that I’d like to look into adoption at some point as well. People have mixed opinions on this, but I’ve heard more than once, “I don’t know how you could love an adopted kid as much as one you’ve given birth to.”
Really? Let me tell you how:
People have asked me how many kids we’re going to have. (We’re about to have our first right now.) I’ve told them I guess more than one. Then, I mention that I’d like to look into adoption at some point as well. People have mixed opinions on this, but I’ve heard more than once, “I don’t know how you could love an adopted kid as much as one you’ve given birth to.”
Really? Let me tell you how:
- Love is a choice. There are plenty of parents who have given birth to children they don’t love. There are plenty of parents who have adopted children they do love. I love my husband. He’s not my flesh in blood in the literal sense though. I chose to love him and choose to every day. I also love my in-laws (brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, and parents-in-law). Blood is not the only tie there is, nor is it always the strongest.
- If I adopt, that child is mine. Permanently, forever, and as much as any child I have given birth to. Yes, there is the difference of blood, but how could you look that child in the eyes that you will raise up for all time and not love him or her just as much? Knowing it’s forever makes you love—or it should.
- You labor for all your children. This is well put by Carla Raley who has ten kids, seven biological and three adopted. She shares how she labored to bring each of her children into the family—the adopted ones just as much as the biological.
- God loves us. We’re adopted. God loved us so much he sent his son to die for us. Need I say more?
So, I don’t know how you couldn’t love an adopted child just as much as a biological one. Each child God gifts me with will be loved as much as is humanly possible. A child is a gift, no matter how he or she came into my life.
Thoughts from those of you who’ve actually lived closer to this than I have?
Jamie Lath
Jamie Lath is a middle child that has no baby picture without her older sister in it. Even with only two siblings, she grew up with family everywhere because all her aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and even second-cousins lived in her hometown. With forty people at her birthday parties (all relatives) and her sister in every picture, she knows a little about community, and it's everlastingness. This has brought most of her ministry focus into meeting people where they're at, listening closely (especially to those who feel voiceless and like no one is listening), and helping them find God's voice in the mix. Jamie graduated with a BA in Communication Studies from the University of North Texas. Following a year of teaching English in China, she returned to the states to attend Dallas Theological Seminary. She received a Th.M. with a focus on Media Arts. Her background in the arts (ballet, writing, and acting) has given her an understanding of how creative expressions can give people a safe place to begin exploring how to use their voice and how it can touch hearts to hear God’s voice. She also blogs at I just called to say "Olive Juice."
5 Comments
Kristi
🙂 You hit on my big passion
🙂 You hit on my big passion with this article .I think this is a subject that NEEDS more attention. According to Adopted for Life by Russell D Moore, there are over 500,000 orphans just in the United States! We currently have one biological son and one whose adoption is still in process. I can testify that the attachment is the same. While it's fun to look at our biological son and see similarities to myself and my husband, it's equally as fun to hear our other son laugh at all our silly faces and chase us around with his cars. Children are a gift from the Lord, regardless of how they enter our families.
Jamie Lath
Needs more attention
You're so right that tihs needs more attention, Kristi. I'm not even adopting, and I heard this comment twice already. I was shocked to hear it. I feel like the stigma about adoptions is changing from the "olden days," but not fast enough!
Laura Singleton
Yay!
I love this post, Jamie! As we've been looking into adoption, I think every one of these for assurance. I especially love the realization that we're adopted & that our Father loves us more we can imagine!
Jamie Lath
So glad
I thought of you and your pursuit as well as I wrote it. 🙂
Angela Sluder
Number 3 hit the nail on the
Number 3 hit the nail on the head, Jamie. So true.