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Performance and Pressure

I am one for adventure, exploring a new place or people, but not for an adventure when it comes to new foods and a few other things.
I am also not one for adventure when it comes to making decisions based on unknowns.  This leaves me with a sense of uncertainty, questioning myself and wondering if I could have made a better decision somewhere along the line.

I am one for adventure, exploring a new place or people, but not for an adventure when it comes to new foods and a few other things.
I am also not one for adventure when it comes to making decisions based on unknowns.  This leaves me with a sense of uncertainty, questioning myself and wondering if I could have made a better decision somewhere along the line.
Recently, my husband and I welcomed our son into the world.  He is amazing.  The process of getting him into the world – not so amazing.  After 20 hours of labor (yes, I did have an epidural part of the time) and then an unexpected c-section, we welcomed him into the world.
The unexpected surgery really threw me off and not for the reasons you think it might.  I am not mourning the way he was delivered, but mourning and questioning the decisions I made the 20 hours before he was delivered.
When it comes to the medical field I know pretty much the basics.  Take tylenol for a headache, pepto for you know what, neosporin for a cut or burn, etc.  I don’t know much about the birthing process other than what I have read and what poeple have told me and that is a mere sliver of the information out there, yet when I make a medical decision and do not like the outcome I question myself incessantly.
Why??  I’m still learning but I wonder if some of it has to do performance issues.  I don’t like to make mistakes.  Who does?
When our son was already 8 days past his due date I had to make decisions based on my very limited knowledge and then I beat myself up for an unwanted outcome.  Why do I put so much pressure on myself for something I am not equipped to do correctly?  Why do I put pressure on myself to do anything correctly?
Rather than relying on the Lord, I rely on my own knowledge (or so I think I have knowledge), my own strengths and my own performance and when I don’t measure up to my expectations I start the spiral downward to self-doubt, questioning intellect, worth, etc.  So much pressure and I wouldn’t put it on anyone else but myself!
I’m still learning how to not put pressure on myself to perform – after all, it’s all about appearances and since when did I value the mask of appearances more than authenticity?
I don’t know about any of you, but I struggle with all of this and am in DAILY need of a reminder of authenticity, recognition that I am weak, that I really don’t know much (not putting myself down, just being realistic!) and being completely and utterly dependent on God.
My prayer for you and for myself is that the Lord would be gracious in these reminders of needing Him and being honest and authentic before Him and others and that the pressure to perform would decrease as we increase our dependence on Him.

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    Joshua

    Performance pressure
    I am tired and don’t want to write much but thanks for the encouragement. I struggle with this alot and I am in the military so that facade to look strong is pretty demanding a ttimes. It’s by far the social norm. I might as well come out and say what you pretty much did. It is the WORLD’s social norm of acceptance to be accepted and to be bullet proof or invincable. To be perfect! Where did experience go or learning. Its a cause of Christ not being taught in school. No one told me thouygh that the most important book I needed was the bible. I thought it was my English book. I guess that’s why I wanted to get the best job because my public school was driven by career paths(performance) instead of John 14:6(God’s love and acceptance for who we are—Authenticity).

    God Bless

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