Shadow Acts

These days, instead of napping, my son prefers to stand up in his crib in the darkness, stretch his little arms toward the window, and manipulate the blackout curtains until he gets enough light. He craves this light, not just so he can see, but so he can play. Many times over the last month or so I have heard his babbling explode into squeals of delight, and I became curious: what is he up to at bedtime?

One morning I went into my son’s room to change his diaper, and turned on the light.  That’s when it clicked. He raised his hands and feet in the air, and looked at the wall next to the changing table—and began to belly laugh.

My son has discovered his shadow. Wherever we are, he chases rays of light so he can manipulate silhouettes of shadows.

These days, instead of napping, my son prefers to stand up in his crib in the darkness, stretch his little arms toward the window, and manipulate the blackout curtains until he gets enough light. He craves this light, not just so he can see, but so he can play. Many times over the last month or so I have heard his babbling explode into squeals of delight, and I became curious: what is he up to at bedtime?

One morning I went into my son’s room to change his diaper, and turned on the light.  That’s when it clicked. He raised his hands and feet in the air, and looked at the wall next to the changing table—and began to belly laugh.

My son has discovered his shadow. Wherever we are, he chases rays of light so he can manipulate silhouettes of shadows.

We all have shadows that follow us even as we walk in the light.  If we profess to follow Jesus, we sometimes feel that “good Christians” can’t appear to be entranced by darkness or spooked by shadows.  Instead we employ the dimmers of life to cast us in our most forgiving light. We avoid the blinding truth of our condition: lack of confession, shallow connection, deflection, good deeds, and success. We fool most of our peers this way because we tend to condemn others who admit their guilt or unmask their weaknesses.

But God first created light.

1 John 1:5–7 says, “God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him and yet keep on walking in the darkness, we are lying and not practicing the truth. But if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

John’s letter was addressed to believers, and highlighted our habitual, intentional choice to delve deeper into shadows. (There may be some sects that put forth that once a person is saved, they no longer are capable of sinning. Beware of those people; they propagate falsehoods.) His encouragement is not to practice these shadow acts and yet pretend our darkness is as bright as Times Square. He urges us to practice the truth instead.  He urges us to practice walking in the light that exposes in order to heal; that uncovers in order to cover with grace; that highlights in order to fine tune.

In chapter 7 of his letter to the Romans, Paul wrote about this desire to play with shadows despite being a child of light: “Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” (v. 24). 

Paul’s conversion is remarkable. He persecuted the early church in the name of piety, then heard the voice of Jesus and literally saw the light in Acts 9:3 (he talks about it again in Acts 26:13). The light of truth blinds him for three days, then the scales fall from his eyes and he is a changed man. Yet this man still calls himself wretched?

If Paul ended his letter there, we would be left in the dark, without hope. But he goes on to speak about the one who rescues us: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Jesus, the Word, can be the lamp light that David refers to in Psalm 119:105.

We may creep in the dark and try to remain hidden; however, the light of God is as unavoidable as it is illuminating.  When we stand in it, we are exposed—and the shadows of sin we played with scatter. We see with stark clarity who we truly are.

How we respond to light indicates our self-awareness and our view of Jesus. Ever since Adam and Eve ran from God’s presence and hid after sinning, our knee-jerk reaction has been to crouch in the shadows and shift blame. This may seem to justify us, but it separates us from God.

Practicing truth involves standing humbly in God’s light, confessing where we fall, where we fail, and letting Him wash the skinned knees and cut elbows we received while groping in the darkness. This is the essence of 1 John 1:7–9. God wants unbroken fellowship with us, without shame or hypocrisy. No one can grow in Him while remaining in the shadows. Let’s bask in His brightness.