• A close up of a signDescription generated with very high confidence

    The Blame and Shame Game

    We live in a day and age when counseling is a norm. Many churches have a Christian counselor on staff. Folks flock to bookstores where self-care and wellness books line the shelves. I woke this morning thinking that counseling is often a safe place to confess. The idea that we need to confess our sins against others as well as their sins against us verbally is a huge part of the healing process. Personally, I have not found that another human telling me that I am not at fault or am forgiven hasn’t been  truly freeing. It is more like a bandage than a cure. It stops my bleeding heart…

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    Shame-Based Families, Grace-Based Families

    The messages of a shame-based family (NOT the one shown here!): “Don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel.” “Everybody has to put their needs aside so we can tiptoe around _____ and not make them mad.” “Why did you do that, you dumb b*tt?” “If you disappoint me this much, how much more are you disappointing God?” “Oh please, you’re not wearing that, are you?” “Loser . . . stupid . . . such an embarrassment . . . I hope nobody knows you’re my daughter . . . You’ll never amount to anything . . . I wish I’d never had you . . . You’re so fat. And ugly.”…