Walking the Aisle

“Have you and your groom decided on the reception hall?”  “What are your colors?”  “Will you be renting the limousine or the horse and carriage?”  Questions were showered upon me like haphazardly-slung packets of rice, flyers were thrust into my already-full hands, and after sampling everything from raspberries and cream to champagne truffle, I left on a cake-induced sugar-high.

“Have you and your groom decided on the reception hall?”  “What are your colors?”  “Will you be renting the limousine or the horse and carriage?”  Questions were showered upon me like haphazardly-slung packets of rice, flyers were thrust into my already-full hands, and after sampling everything from raspberries and cream to champagne truffle, I left on a cake-induced sugar-high.

 The bridal show was all that it claimed to be—six pink aisles of over three hundred vendors all bedazzled in crystal, flowers, and lace.  Any product and every service were available for purchase, and even those without engagement rings were invited to the party.  As one of the few married women who walked the aisles, I had ample time to observe the exuberant brides whirring about me while still tending to my friend, the bride-to-be.  Of all the exhibitors hocking their merchandise, only two focused upon the marital relationship.  One booth sold tickets to a Christian marriage conference and the other promoted pre-marital counseling.  Yet, without a glittering display or a raffle to enter, the booths might as well have been about tax preparation.  The brides weren’t buying it.

Amidst the congratulations-you-look-beautiful-thanks-for-inviting-me salutations on my wedding day I was told, “This is not the best day of your life.  If this is the peak, everything else is just downhill.”  Faking a smile, I thanked my grizzled uncle for his uncouth remark, only to go slack-jawed several weeks later when I watched his inconvenient truth immortalized on my wedding video.

But Uncle Phil was right.  Having recently celebrated our second anniversary, I can honestly say that the love Jason and I have for one another has deepened and matured.  Wedding guests witness a covenant of marriage take place at the altar, but the real forging of the covenant occurs in the daily decisions where we choose between gratifying self and serving the other.  “It’s you or me, Baby.”  And all too often, I chose me.

Jason and I have found that love has different layers and distinct hues—some wrought by joy and others shaped by pain.  To learn to love your spouse with the love of Christ is a life-long maturation process requiring discipline, commitment, and the grace to forgive one another and yourself when you fail—because you will.  

I’m sure that most of the women at the bridal show recognize that her upcoming nuptial won’t guarantee her constant happiness, that her groom cannot and was never intended to complete her, and that she will probably feel lonely at times even though she has a loving husband and best friend.  What concerns me are the women who do believe that their wedding day is the epochal event of their life.   Because from someone who has walked both the vendor aisles and the marriage aisle, I can confidently say that the wedding is only the commencement of life together.  

So sign up for that premarital counseling session.  Read and discuss a book outlining what you can anticipate during your first year of marriage.  Ask an older married couple to mentor you and your fiancé.  Strive to prepare for your marriage with all of the intentionality and enthusiasm that you’re devoting to planning for your wedding day. And don’t worry, whether you decide to serve your guests heavy hors d’oeuvres or the plated dinner, you will still be a radiant bride.

To all the brides-to-be, may your wedding cake be sweet and your love for your groom more rich and deep with each passing year.