What Kind of Wife Are You? – Bible.org Blogs

My son ran into a friend recently and asked him about married life. The friend answered that it’s great if you don’t mind being told what to do all the time.

That news made me sad, particularly because I identify with this guy’s wife, having spent my early married years wanting my husband to change. Such discontent doesn’t lead to marital oneness, peace, or happiness, and focusing on a spouse’s deficiencies usually spills over into nagging.

Not only are badgering wives ridiculed by comedians, the Bible is pretty hard on them. “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike” (Prov. 27:15). Other translations use words like nagging or quarrelsome, but the problem grows out of her heart issue—dissatisfaction with her husband.

So how do we get our husbands to change without nagging?

We don’t; that is God’s work. Instead we shift the focus to ourselves, looking in the mirror of God’s word. Rather than list our spouses’ shortcomings, even in prayer, we gaze inwardly at our own heart issues and repent. We accept our men unconditionally, just as Christ accepted us. We give them grace and leave them in God’s hands. We emphasize their strengths and thank God for the positives they bring into our lives. (This greatly improved my marriage because God changed me.)

To be clear, I am not talking about ignoring sin that should not be tolerated. In that case, we act. We get help; we tell the church elders; we separate ourselves from physical abuse for the purpose of bringing them to repentance. We also jealously guard the time and attention we need for a healthy marriage. We speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). Grace and love don’t accept behavior that leads to marital disintegration and destruction.

I now pray for my husband without directing God to change him. I pray for him as I do for myself—that we walk closely with God, that we grow in oneness, and that we show Christ’s unconditional love, commitment, and grace to the world through our marriage.

What have you learned about becoming a grace-filled wife?

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