Raquel Wroten's blog

Books with notes sticking out of them, others with marked-up pages and many inscribed by my former professors stare at me as I place one by one on their designated shelf. Half-empty cardboard boxes lay scattered around my bedroom floor. Papers, index cards, and Post-it notes get sorted and piled on my bed. Eventually the stacks of papers will make it into a file. And those files will find their place in a box labeled by a Sharpie.

Ever had a bad moment? Not too long ago, I did. I completely lost it. I yelled at God after I realized that my life looked nothing like I had planned. So I got down on my knees and prayed. It didn’t take long for me to feel shame. And it didn’t take long for God to lead me to His word, specifically Psalm 20. I have read it before many times, but in that moment, I needed comfort. I paraphrased it, wrote it out and prayed through it. I hope it brings you as much relief as it did me on that very dark night.

One thing that the New Year never fails to do has to do with the many people God has creatively placed in my life. The excitement of the New Year forces me to ponder about last year’s moments. My thoughts then lead me to think about the relationships that have influenced my life.

 
 
Perhaps remnants of pieces of Christmas wrapping paper still lay on the carpet floor. The Christmas tree in all its glory continues to stand tall, but some of its needles lay brown on the floor. And a few wrapped gifts still remain under the tree awaiting their owners.

Nestled between the boxes of Christmas decorations, the porcelain nativity scene that I purchased from a local store makes its yearly debut. I dust it off, open the box and gather my children to help me. Gently and so carefully each figurine gets unpacked and placed on our buffet.

The last presidential debate ended this week. We will soon go to the polls and we will hopefully move forward, trusting God with the future of our nation. Thanksgiving approaches and soon after, the Christmas rush begins. With the holidays around the corner, folks anticipate their greatest stress — family.

My family loves the fall. We look forward to all the new school activities, promotion Sunday at church and the change in the weather. Nothing however, seems to excite my family more like the topic of our fall menu. That’s right, the food!

August — my least favorite month. It’s hot, the kids go back to school and we celebrate Anna’s birthday. I know I should feel happy about my daughter’s birthday, but I seldom do. You see, Anna will most likely lose her hearing by her thirteenth birthday. That’s what the doctors have told us. Diagnosed at two years old with a condition known as Large Vestibular Aqueduct Syndrome, Anna has never had the gift of hearing things clearly.

Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do. I want to know God’s plan in detail, specifically after a tragedy. I can’t help it, but I question when affliction grips the heart of those I love the most. To make matters worse, I wrestle with possible explanations so that I can come up with a quick fix for the pain. I want a good reason so that the suffering will make sense.

If I could skip summer altogether I would. An empty calendar, clear sunny days and the 100-degree weather create the perfect atmosphere for me to do the one thing I try to avoid — laziness. I wish it only affected the condition of my house. Unfortunately, it also spreads to every corner of my spiritual life especially my time in prayer. 

Sometimes the hardest part about having children is letting go. As parents we spend most of our time devoted to our kids. And in one moment— poof—it changes.