Grace Killers….
The fishing was good, very good. It had been a long day of flies caught on willow branches, water in the waders, and some big trout in the net. As all experienced fishermen do, we sat around the dinner table telling stories of the day that somewhat resembled reality. The conversation eventually turned to our families. One of my friends said something that I’ve been pondering for almost a year now. You know, a phrase or sentence that wedges itself in your mind and won’t go away, like a 70’s song in an elevator. He had been talking about
The fishing was good, very good. It had been a long day of flies caught on willow branches, water in the waders, and some big trout in the net. As all experienced fishermen do, we sat around the dinner table telling stories of the day that somewhat resembled reality. The conversation eventually turned to our families. One of my friends said something that I’ve been pondering for almost a year now. You know, a phrase or sentence that wedges itself in your mind and won’t go away, like a 70’s song in an elevator. He had been talking about
his young daughter, just a toddler. Charlie had given instructions for her to “be good” while he was gone. We’ve all said something like that; I know I did when my kids were young. But for some reason, the phrase bothered me. Many months later I think I know why.
Sometimes, without knowing it, we are “Grace Killers.” You see, grace is a difficult concept. It shouldn’t be, but it is. There are many catchy definitions of grace, but my favorite remains unmerited favor. But today, especially in America, nothing is unmerited. If you want something you should earn it. Nothing is free. Little boys and girls are encouraged to “be good” and not to “be bad.” As this mental pinball has been bouncing around in my head, I have been keenly aware the priority we place on earned approval. I’m not talking about rewards for a job well done. I’m all for that. I’m talking about the idea that your value is earned based upon your actions. Are you good, or bad? Your value is based upon the answer. Good people are treasured, bad people are not.
Can you see the impact this has on young children? How will they ever understand God’s grace in sending Jesus if everything in their own world is about earning approval? If Mom and Dad’s love is based upon earned approval, surely God’s must be as well. Let’s start some new habits that are “grace growers” instead of “grace killers.” Here are a few ideas for home and ministry.
1. When you get home from work and walk in the door, let the first words out of your mouth be ones of unconditional love. There will be plenty of time to find out how they did at school, if they did their homework, or if they did their chores. Kids remember the first things you say the most.
2. Allow kids the chance to fail. Let them try things that stretch them. When they fail you will have a very teachable moment. Show them grace. Reinforce that they are loved, not for what they do, but for who they are. Teach them that failure is not final.
3. In your ministry, when children learn memory verses or complete assigned Bible work, show as much enthusiasm about the Bible as you do about their achievement. Praise them for a job well done, but show excitement for God’s word as you do it. This puts the focus where it belongs.
4. Never ever play favorites. The pastor’s son and the girl from the foster home should be loved equally. Look every child in the eye and smile.
My granddaughter is 18 months old. Emmaline has learned that she has a will, and a strong one at that. It is my prayer that she will know that our love for her is never based upon her actions. It is unmerited favor, grace. Yes, we’ll deal with the tantrums. We will also do our best to communicate grace. May she know that not only does Grampa “love her every day” but Jesus does too.
