Marriage Talk Topics (Whether You’re Married Or Not)

Before my husband and I got engaged, we googled top reasons for divorce. Before I would say “yes” to his proposal, I wanted to know what we were up against (yes, I did make him wait—three weeks—between the time he proposed and the time I said yes, but that’s a whole other story).

I can’t remember the exact answers we found, but when I googled it today, the top reasons seem pretty similar to the topics we discussed before marriage. So, my question to you is: have you discussed these with your spouse, potential spouse, or even just thought through the answers for yourself?

Before my husband and I got engaged, we googled top reasons for divorce. Before I would say “yes” to his proposal, I wanted to know what we were up against (yes, I did make him wait—three weeks—between the time he proposed and the time I said yes, but that’s a whole other story).

I can’t remember the exact answers we found, but when I googled it today, the top reasons seem pretty similar to the topics we discussed before marriage. So, my question to you is: have you discussed these with your spouse, potential spouse, or even just thought through the answers for yourself?

• Infidelity: Sadly, this is is one of the top reasons for divorce. Even sadder is that we often don’t think it could happen to us. As my husband and I discussed this topic, we talked about how we could keep lines of communication open so this wouldn’t happen. So, now we tell each other when we feel tempted, even just in the slightest, in this area. Let me tell you, it’s not easy, but we want to confess the small stuff, so it stays small. We also discussed if one of us sinned in this area but wanted restoration would we be willing to grant it. Now, this is all highly hypothetical, but I remember my friend’s mom in high school explaining to me how she had decidied if this happened to her that she would try to forgive. I thought she was nuts, especially since I wasn’t a Christian, but I’m glad I heard that story. It challenged me to at least consider how far forgiveness and love can really go.

• Financial: Would we share all of our money? How would we talk about money? What were our spending habits before marriage? What if we were financially strapped? What if one of us lost a job? I don’t think we had any real answers because again it’s all hypothetical. However, as we discussed the possible problems, I saw deeply into the mind and heart of this man I was considering marrying when it came to this tricky subject. I began to see his weaknesses and strengths when it came to finances, and he saw mine. We made plans, those plans have changed, but for the most part, the ways we saw and interacted with money back then are the same ways we do now. So, buyer beware.

• Lack of communication: It was hard to imagine that two people who were having hypothetical fights about money would end up not communicating with each other, but we tackled this one too. We considered ways to make sure we stayed talking and how we would try to deal with anger. Of course, these ways have changed over the years, but the key was that we decided we’d always make an effort to talk. One thing we did was not get a TV (gasp!). Mainly this was because neither of us had much self-control when it came to the television, so we figured why have something in our new life together that we would keep us from talking? We do watch stuff on the computers and online now, but we still don't have a TV because it’s a weakness for both of us. My advice on this one is figure out what your road blocks to communication are, and then get rid of or work around those.

So, ask yourself about these topics, ask your spouse, ask your roommate, your best friends, whoever happens to be around. I had decided some of these things way before marriage, and some as I got to know the man God had brought to me. We spend so much time preparing for the wedding (even before we know our spouse); don’t forget to prepare for and safeguard the marriage too!