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Trusting God in the Bizarre
I have tongue cancer. Bizarre, right? I’m not male, nor do I engage in the particularly bad combination of both smoking and drinking, which are the big markers for this nasty invasion. In two weeks I am scheduled for surgery to remove the cancer by cutting out a big chunk of my tongue—which is a particular challenge and sadness for a professional speaker. One of the things I have discovered is that, even without any drugs, the weight of this diagnosis and the upcoming difficult surgery and recovery has consumed a lot of my mental and emotional energy. Everything in my life has taken a back seat to this crisis.…
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Living without a Guarantee
Some of our most important work and most difficult suffering does not come with a guarantee of success...
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Abide
Like the day drawing to night— fearing death, finding life— give me the grace to move toward you when my instinct is to run, to evade the shyness that comes when perceived by pure Light. Teach me to abide. Like the branch in its vine— resting loose, resting tight— give me the grace to trust you. when my instinct is to doubt, to comply with deceptions that come as my faith is made sight. Teach me to abide. Draw me to the well, even when it seems dry. When I’m in the office with deadlines and demands or at the kitchen sink with soapy hands; when I’m in the mechanic’s…
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Leaning Hard
I wondered when it would happen, when the pain and weakness from post-polio, exacerbated by hip arthritis, would set me up for a fall. And now I know. The other day I took a tumble. I forgot to have my husband put my walker in the back of my mini-van. At some point this year I discovered that leaning on a cane for stability wasn’t enough, and I need a walker for literally every step. But this level of loss and disability is still new to me; sometimes I forget that my “new normal” demands things like taking a walker with me. When I got to my destination, all I…
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Apart From Him, We’re a Boat Anchor
My laptop computer has been slowly dying for a while. First the battery needed to be replaced. Then the computer stopped recognizing that there was a new battery altogether, so it has to be plugged in to work at all. Yesterday, when I connected the power cord to the laptop, I noticed the cord’s insulation was coming apart and there were tiny sparks jumping out of the bare wires. This morning, the power cord didn’t work at all. My computer had no battery and no way to connect to the power supply. It was useless. All the programs installed on it, all the information on the hard drive, were completely…
