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The Dating Game: Anyone Else Confused on the Rules?


As we continue this dating series, let’s look at a bit of my story:

I began my Christian dating life by not dating. Having become a real believing and walking-it-for-myself Christian at eighteen, I figured a fast was just what was needed—something to cleanse the system.

Plus, I’d just read Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and not dating had worked for her. You know, focus on God and your dream man will notice you not noticing him.


As we continue this dating series, let’s look at a bit of my story:

I began my Christian dating life by not dating. Having become a real believing and walking-it-for-myself Christian at eighteen, I figured a fast was just what was needed—something to cleanse the system.

Plus, I’d just read Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and not dating had worked for her. You know, focus on God and your dream man will notice you not noticing him.

Well, the fast lasted longer than expected (I’d like to believe because word had gotten out that I was a non-dater, and it took awhile to revoke that status). Then I tried dating because someone asked me out. He liked me more than I liked him, and so that didn’t work out.

My next foray into dating was when I “didn’t date” someone because he wanted to marry the first woman he dated. We did however discuss whether or not I was that woman. I learned the power of semantics through that episode and vowed never again to “not date” someone that I really thought I was actually dating.

Then, a mentor told me that she always dated a lot of guys in college. Everyone just socially dated and no one got exclusive unless they were sure they wanted to go steady. Why couldn’t it be like that? Well, because that’s not the way it works for some reason now. Dating today is serious buiness.

But I thought I might as well give social dating a shot. Then I realized that in some ways I was already social dating by hanging out with guys at school, in the cafeteria, out to coffee, movies, etc. Perhaps this was social dating in today’s world.

A few more dating episodes, and ultimately, I didn’t date the man I married because I was tired of all that had happened above (and that’s not even every story). But primarily we didn’t date because he is younger than me, so we didn’t give the idea of a relationship a chance for most of the time we were friends. Then, when we realized we both liked each and wanted more, he decided he loved me and proposed. Sounds odd, but it worked for us.

I’ve heard a pastor recommend group dating because it what worked for him. And I’ve seen people in that church get together in groups of four guys and four girls for their planned group date. I’ve heard a pastor recommend not dating because it worked for him. And I’ve seen people try not to date at all as they navigate the relational world. And I’ve seen a pastor recommend dating/courting one-on-one because it worked for him. And I’ve seen people try to use the word courting as they dated with intention.

I don’t advocate or disagree with any of these methods. I just write all this to ask, “Is anyone else confused?".

Also, does anyone else have a story like me? Anyone dating around with the idea of dating and can’t figure out what to do?

Why do we find ourselves turning in circles with all of
this? Well, I know I was trying to follow Godly examples, but what does that mean? Tune in next week as we look at that.

Jamie Lath is a middle child that has no baby picture without her older sister in it. Even with only two siblings, she grew up with family everywhere because all her aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and even second-cousins lived in her hometown. With forty people at her birthday parties (all relatives) and her sister in every picture, she knows a little about community, and it's everlastingness. This has brought most of her ministry focus into meeting people where they're at, listening closely (especially to those who feel voiceless and like no one is listening), and helping them find God's voice in the mix. Jamie graduated with a BA in Communication Studies from the University of North Texas. Following a year of teaching English in China, she returned to the states to attend Dallas Theological Seminary. She received a Th.M. with a focus on Media Arts. Her background in the arts (ballet, writing, and acting) has given her an understanding of how creative expressions can give people a safe place to begin exploring how to use their voice and how it can touch hearts to hear God’s voice. She also blogs at I just called to say "Olive Juice."

2 Comments

  • Sue Bohlin

    It can be so hard!

    Part of the problem, I think, is that we always seem to be looking for the "formula" to make the Christian life work, to get God to answer our prayers, to control the remote on our life. And God doesn’t do formulas!

    My husband Ray and I spent many hours talking, talking, talking — doing nothing but talking — until we suddenly realized, during yet another conversation, that we loved each other. The next day the Lord instructed him in unmistakable clarity to ask me to marry him, and He had to instruct me in an equally thunderous way to say yes. (He couldn’t trust us to get it right on our own.)

    • Jamie Lath

      I love that!
      Especially that you kept it a secret, so that they couldn’t try to follow in your footsteps and could make their own,