Over the past months, I have been more introspective than usual. As I shared in another blog, I have aging parents, one of whom is dealing with dementia. Amid this struggle, I twisted my ankle and had to be on crutches. That isn’t a big deal unless you live alone and then it can be challenging. Getting groceries, taking out the dog, doing the laundry, all requires walking and doing it on crutches isn’t easy.
In addition to that, my little dog, who has been my companion for over 14 years is struggling with Cushing's disease. Because she has gone blind, is developing open wounds and is now losing control over certain functions, the vet has advised she be put down. While trying to extend her life, I have had been given medication for her wounds. I had to wrap her in an ace bandage so her sores wouldn't rupture and bleed more. I would literally bind up her wounds. One afternoon after I had bathed her, doctored her sores, put medication on them and was putting on the ace bandage, I thought… “Is this what the Bible means when it talks about God binding up our wounds?”
It says in Psalm 147: 3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
As I sat holding my little dog, comforting her and enjoying that I got to have her around for a bit longer, I thought. When I bind up her wounds, they are covered and stop bleeding. But they don’t go away. They remain there. I thought how some heartbreaks in life are so monumental that I don’t believe the wounds heal this side of heaven. I believe God does heal the brokenhearted. He gives us peace. He provides new beginnings and new good things in life. But it doesn’t mean always that some wounds while covered and out of sight for a time, don’t reopen or bleed again. Because they do.
LIFE IS HARD. There are seasons that are harder than others. Right now, I am in a difficult season. My heart just seems to stay heavy. I long for a husband. A good and Godly man to come alongside me and share life with me. I very much want a companion to do life with. Despite meeting great men, I haven't’ met the right man for me. Being a divorcee has been hard. It fragments the family. It causes you to have to spend holidays alone or apart from your children. You must deal with life and struggles alone. It takes time to work through all the pain and just when you think you are through the worst of it you get hit by unexpected emotions. A holiday comes around and you remember something or hear or see something that triggers a memory and before you know it you are right back to ground zero. The wound reopens.
And even though I always have the Lord with me. Even though He never leaves me, and I have incredible family, friends and co-workers; sometimes, I long to have a spouse or have my family made whole again. I long to have that person that has my back and gets me. That person who is there to listen and pray with me, hold me and just do life with me.
I think that is why Solomon said, there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Many times, the things that happen on this earth and to us while we are here seem confusing and hard. But these trials and difficulties we are to trust God and His sovereignty. We are to remember that His plans are not always our plans.
To be honest, this is a hard one for me. I think I know what I need. I what I want. When my desires, dreams, plans and needs are not met with what I think they should be, then I get angry and question God’s plans. I remind myself daily that He is the God of the universe. His plans are designed for my good. His plans work to bring about the best things for my life. And even thought I may not understand them; I can trust them. And that is where I always seem to get caught.
Trusting God to meet my needs and fulfill His purpose is so difficult for me. Maybe it is for you too. I often get caught up in the things of this world. I want more time with loved ones. I don’t want to do life without a spouse. I want … I want … I want. And yet, Solomon in all his great wealth, with everything tens time over again, said it is all futile. How could someone who had everything say that?
Because apart from God, there is no satisfaction in life. Everything grows weary or old. The newness wears off. People are unpredictable. Life is unpredictable. But God, He is constant. He is unchangeable. He is reliable. He is all-powerful. So, life is hard right now, I know that this season will pass because I know God’s plans for my life are to be trusted.
What are you trusting God for today? And how might you teach your child to trust Him? One thing we did when my children were younger was have them climb to the second or third rung of a ladder. We stood behind them the whole time. Even though they couldn’t see us, they knew we were there. We told them that God is like that. He is there even though you can’t see Him. He is watching over you.
Then we had each child let go and fall back to us and we caught them. We said, if we catch you when you fall, then God, who is far bigger and much stronger and who also loves you so much more than we can, will be there for you when you fall in life. Then, we had each child name a struggle they were having, and we prayed with them and asked God to help them to trust Him through that.
Trusting God is not always natural or easy. It is like letting go of that ladder and falling backwards—trusting that your parents are going to catch you. It can feel scary, but when we learn to let go and Him, it is amazing what He will do, because He can always be trusted.