Adulthood – Accepting One’s Self

A few months ago I ran into a girl I knew from high school.  We were both standing in the check-out lines at the craft store and I spied her across the counter.  I hoped she wouldn’t recognize me.  I didn’t want to justify what I’d done in the past seven years since graduating—those crucial years in which you’re somehow supposed to morph from an insecure adolescent into a confident adult with a resume full of occupational successes.

A few months ago I ran into a girl I knew from high school.  We were both standing in the check-out lines at the craft store and I spied her across the counter.  I hoped she wouldn’t recognize me.  I didn’t want to justify what I’d done in the past seven years since graduating—those crucial years in which you’re somehow supposed to morph from an insecure adolescent into a confident adult with a resume full of occupational successes.

I dreaded her criticism.  She smiled.  “Tiffany?”  To my amazement, she wanted to catch up and invited me to join her for coffee.  While sipping a mocha flecked with whipped cream, I listened to her story.  And then I shared mine.  She smiled, offered me part of her chocolate chunk cookie, and asked if we could meet again.  

I felt the relief of acceptance quickly followed by shame.  The critic whom I so anxiously feared was me.  My new friend wasn’t concerned with my achievements to date.  That was all me.  I was the one who was constantly comparing myself to others and then despairing when I fell short.  I was the one who craved the approval of others and was plagued with achievement-based self-esteem.  I was the one who had been critical and stood guilty of falsely accusing her.  

After observing the calm assurance with which she carried herself, I came to a powerful conclusion: An adult is an individual distinguished by the maturity that comes from owning one’s life experiences.  She accepts her life story and actively plays a part in the shaping of the narrative.  She doesn’t apologize for who she is, dwell on what she should have done, or fret over who she could have been.  Instead, she wakes each morning with the confidence that God created her for a special purpose and lies down each evening with the joy and satisfaction that comes from participating in the advance of his kingdom work.  She welcomes opportunities to grow and embraces her identity in Christ.  She is in process—in the active state of learning, developing, maturing, creating, and cultivating.

Just as I observed in my friend a beautiful wisdom that had flourished over the past seven years of life, I hope that she perceived a positive difference in me.  And seven years from now, in 2018, I hope that we are still sipping mochas, discussing classical art, and emboldening one another to continue engaging in one of life’s greatest maturation processes—the acceptance of one’s self.