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The Tapeworm Gallery: Against Flesh and Blood
NEWSFLASH: Man with Immigrant Wife Elected President by Multitude of Bigots. #classic. But is he racist? Who cares? I don’t need him to be the poster child for jingoism. I just need him to maintain speeches of eloquent diplomacy. So ladies, lock up your ******* because there’s a new sheriff in town. And with him marks the end of civility in the public square. I’ve waited 240 years for this. Since the election, I have kicked back with endless bags of BOOMCHICKAPOP Holidrizzle to watch the show. (Love their Pumpkin Spice flavor.) Forget political parties. The Neo-Nazis have their megaphones back, and now…
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The Tapeworm Gallery: Keep Church Normal
I saw your church had a savory visitor on Sunday. That was some big hair—any tiny shorts. Well, she did mention she hadn't attended church in years. Shocking. Someone should have told her the church with the leather-pants preacher is up the street. And that the hookers' convention comes to town next weekend. I sensed your surprise mixed with disappointment at her desire to return next week—and your fear over her excitement to bring her friends. Tattooed, pierced strippers and LGBT's, no doubt. You know—the people too despicable for people, but not too despicable for God. The church will have to Scotch Guard…
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The Tapeworm Gallery: Effective Ways to Minister to Women in Pain
As a women's ministry leader, you will encounter women struggling with all sorts of life circumstances. Whether you encounter those suffering "big T" Trauma or "little t" trauma, you will need to employ the most beneficial words or ideas. Timing is everything. The following suggestions have been successful for hundreds of years. I pray you put them to good use. · Distribute invalidation the way a state trooper hands out speeding tickets. To conserve energy try eye-rolling. · Give pat answers about her struggles. Examples: "God hates divorce," "God is bigger than your situation," "Trust and obey for there's no other way," "You need to submit to your husband,"…
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The Tapeworm Gallery: Unequally Yoked
What's this I hear? Grace—dating one of them? I bet that got your panties in a wad. And it all started on the MLK holiday when he ran into her at the mall? You don't say. Why does the school even observe the MLK holiday? There are at most ten of them in the whole school. Anyway, you've got to put a stop to this before her father finds out. Lucky for her, her grandfather lies six feet under. Hope he doesn't jump forth from his grave. At least it's not one of those. With those winning the Miss America…
