• Engage

    If God is So Good, Why Does He Let Me Hurt?

    This is probably the biggest question, and the biggest obstacle to trusting God, in Christianity. It’s a legitimate question, and it deserves a thoughtful answer that honors the amount of pain attached to it. Disclosure: I am writing this while beset by the most physical pain I’ve experienced since post-polio syndrome started attacking my body with the “unholy trinity” of pain, weakness and fatigue. It hurts to stand, it hurts to walk. Every single step. Why does God allow it? And my pain is nothing compared to the horrific suffering of millions around the world. Doesn’t He care? Why doesn’t He stop it—surely He can. He could stop it all…

  • jewel

    Mad at God

    I knelt down next to my bed, ten years old, and once more poured out my heart to God. “God, please heal me! You know how much I hate having polio, I hate limping, I hate going to physical therapy every week, I hate the surgeries, I hate the way people stare at me because of how I walk. I hate that no one could love me with polio. I hate this, God! I know You can take it away—please let me wake up tomorrow morning all healed and restored!” Once again, I fell asleep, hopeful that God had heard me and He was able to snap His fingers or…

  • Engage

    The Stink of Self-Pity

    When I got polio as an infant in 1953, just before the vaccine was developed, my parents were instructed by the doctors and the therapists that the very worst thing that could happen was for me to wallow in self-pity, and to never let me go there. Maybe they all thought that if no one ever talked about the huge assault of this life-changing trauma, it would never occur to me to think about it, and so I’d never end up in the Self-Pity Mudpuddle. So what was modeled to me, and which I dutifully followed, was a constant response of denial. So I grew up wondering, but never able…

  • volcano ash cloud

    Volcanoes, Ash Plumes, and the Sovereignty of God

    Remember the TV stories and pictures of the ash plume spewed from an Iceland volcano that shut down most of Europe’s airports and stranded millions of passengers worldwide? That was not about statistics for me; that was the helplessness of being unable to get home from Frankfurt, Germany. My husband Ray and I, along with our colleague from Probe Ministries Todd Kappelman, were on our way home from sharing some of Probe’s worldview and apologetics material with young adult believers in Belarus.  Before leaving Minsk we learned about the volcanic eruption in Iceland, but it was too far away to have any impact on our flight. We checked our bags…