• left hands, no wedding rings

    All the Single Ladies

    Two single friends recently attended a teaching about an independent study of biblical femininity. Most of what they heard was fine, but the presenter was apparently so enthused about God’s design for the female body that she elevated the roles of wife and mother beyond what was appropriate. My single friends, one of whom is old enough that she will probably never marry and will definitely never have children, were shocked and angered. The over-enthusiasm for marriage and family meant that as single women, they both felt the shame of being “lesser-than.” I knew what they were experiencing. For many years, much of the teaching in the church has (unintentionally,…

  • Engage

    Singleness, Sex, and Cold Showers

    “Boys will be boys.” “It’s not healthy to suppress those sexual urges.” “You can’t expect a person to go without it for too long.” “If she (or he) doesn’t ‘put out,’ I’ll just look elsewhere.” We’ve all heard, or been told, one of these lines. Sexual purity and fidelity seem to be values of the past. Just read the most recent headlines associated with the #MeToo (#YoTambien) movement, and you will quickly learn of yet another actor, CEO, judge, pastor, president, reporter, or news broadcaster who has fallen from grace because of his or her history of promiscuity and/or sexual harassment.    Where are our role models? How can we…

  • Engage

    A Single Girl’s Revolt Against the Day of Love

    Many cultures and countries consider a woman over the age of 30 to be an “old maid” (in Spanish: solterona). So at the age of 34, I was definitely past my prime according to many. I disliked Valentine’s Day. Too many past disappointments and brokenhearted moments meant I just tried to survive until February 15. (Para español, lea abajo.) I ignored the flowers on my female coworkers’ desks. I ignored the male coworkers’ conversations about dinner plans. I ignored the heart-shaped cookies sold at bakeries. I ignored the stuffed teddy bears and candy boxes at grocery stores. I viewed Valentine’s Day as “The-Survival-of-the-Fittest” Day and I used various tactics throughout…