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The Tapeworm Gallery: Shame on You
I see you had a blast with your family last weekend. Here’s something you didn’t count on unwrapping this Happy Holidays Season: your shame-based identity. You know…that assurance that lingers beneath the surface of your thoughts? I meant to ask…how’s that constant state of self-criticism going? Not like you don’t get enough of it from your boss. It helped that your parents used humiliation tactics to discipline you and your siblings. Mother does know best—you can’t do anything right. You always were insignificant. No wonder kids teased you in grade school, and why they always chose you last in P.E. My…
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The Tapeworm Gallery: The Pregnant Pause
WOMAN SEEKING WOMEN 44yo freak with no kids seeks intrusive adult females for unsolicited fertility counsel ambush at next baby shower. No experience necessary. Accosts in room corners encouraged. Know-It-Alls welcome for prophecies, judgments, original advice, and magical remedies. Leave your Bible at home and we’ll talk some voodoo. Scab picker, salt, and $0.02 required. Come hungry. Alkaline water and Apricot Oyster Patties will be served. First 100 ladies will receive free PermaBond Lip Adhesive. *** Why does she respond to your opinionated opinions with a blank stare? Why won't she open up? You're just trying to help. Well, don't fret. I have the remedy. Like nails on the chalkboard,…
