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Do I Serve to Please Others, Myself, or God?
I shut the cover on my laptop after facilitating a zoom webinar. Was I good enough? Did I say the right thing? They must really think I’m stupid. That was surely a waste of their time. I hope they still like me. The Holy Spirit quickly asked me the same question posed by the apostle Paul: Am I now trying to gain the approval of people, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ! Galatians 1:10 I know that God has called me to sincerely and deeply love others and help them…
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People pleasing; an invitation to faith over fear
For a while, I had a “people pleasing” dog. She really was quite the gem because she was terrified that we would be upset with her. For the first few years of her life, when she learned that her behavior caused a negative reaction, she simply would not repeat it. Seemingly we had trained her well, and we had definitely tried. Over time however, she grew comfortable with us and now in year 8 of her life, I’m quite certain she has completely recovered from her people pleasing ways. I am not too different from her, in my complacency and trust of others, I can grow so comfortable and sure…
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Confessions of a Recovering People-Pleaser*
I hope I don’t step on anyone’s toes here. As a recovering people-pleaser, stepping on toes is something I tend to avoid like the plague. Growing up, I learned early on that popularity was easier to attain if you were, well, nice. The church seemed to reinforce the pursuit of bending over backwards for the needs of your fellow man: God first, others second, self third. Anytime I heard this popular mantra, I internally gave myself a high-five. I had that down pat! Well, maybe not the God first part. My own formula went something like this:
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The Guilt Game
My friend worked on the apples while I peeled and chopped bananas for the fruit salad. I admired Lauri’s ability to organize this missions breakfast for a large church: recruiting lots of people to bring food, providing some of the food herself, hosting me in her home, caring for three children, and all the while struggling with chronic pain and physical limitations. As I contemplated all she did, I began to feel inadequate. I could never do something like this,” I lamented in my head. “I must be hopelessly disorganized. My friend seems to do this effortlessly, in spite of all the other demands on her life and energy. How…
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Purge people pleasing, and live for an audience of One
People-pleasing can mess up our lives. It can hinder our effectiveness in resolving conflict, result in burn out, and cause us to waste precious years trying to please people while ignoring what God wants us to do with our lives. Harriet Braiker defines people pleasing this way: The Disease to Please is a set of self-defeating thoughts and flawed beliefs about yourself and other people that fuel compulsive behavior that, in turn, is driven by the need to avoid forbidden, negative feelings. This triple combination of distorted thinking, compulsive behavior, and the need to…
