Authentic Relationships: Being Devoted to Another and Honoring Another Above Ourselves

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.                                                                                                            

Oscar Wilde

It’s Not All About You

A self-focused life will unwittingly push others away like a spinning merry-go-round on the playground. If we will participate in the joy of “one anothering,” we need to let Jesus rewire our thinking to be even more aware of others than ourselves.

Not Here for Me

If anyone has ever deserved to be the center of attention and demand others serve his needs, it was Jesus. He created the world, gave life to His disciples, chose them out of the world, and soon would be executed for their redemption. He had the right to demand their service. But He did not!

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45 NET)

Jesus had just told His disciples that He was going to Jerusalem to be beaten and crucified. However, the disciples were too busy thinking about themselves to understand what Jesus said. James and John were busy asking for the best seats in the Kingdom. The other disciples were just mad because James and John had asked first. 

Most people treat others as their servants, trying to get out of them whatever they need to be happy. We naturally focused on our needs and desires, maximizing gain or minimizing pain. Consequently, our selfish actions and defense mechanisms kick in with hardly any forethought. We struggle to satisfy ourselves, which is our greatest tyranny. Instead of relaxing in the moment, we constantly have to manipulate it. We use people instead of loving them.

If Jesus, the one who had the right to demand that kind of attention, refused to give His life away to others, what more do we need to know? Jesus wanted His followers to understand that the opposite was true in His Kingdom. He had not come to make people meet His needs but to be available to touch their needs. This is the secret to a fulfilled and fruitful life in Christ! However, changing the focus from ourselves to others does not happen just by choice. Trying to put everyone else’s needs above our own will wear us out, and we will revert to looking out for ourselves. A life lived in love will only work out of a growing trust in God to provide for us and show us how to love the people He has put near us. 

Again, we must not love others trying to please God (dead works) but rather love others knowing that God is already pleased with us in Christ (good works). Not to please but rather to bring pleasure. The key is living our lives with only one motive – to bring honor to Jesus Christ, our Lord. This cannot be done within our ability. This can be done by ensuring that everything we do, including all prayer (1) requests to our Heavenly Father, has the motive of honoring Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior.

Realize the Holy Spirit’s primary mission to the church is to bring honor to Jesus. The Holy Spirit (1) primarily honors Jesus by revealing Him in and through us!

And we all, with unveiled faces reflecting the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another, which is from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18 NET)

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and will cause you to remember everything I said to you. (John 14:26 NET)

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. For he will not speak on his own authority, but will speak whatever he hears, and will tell you what is to come.He will glorify me, because he will receive from me what is mine and will tell it to you. (John 16:13–14 NET)

Now as for you, the anointing that you received from him resides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things, it is true and is not a lie. Just as it has taught you, you reside in him. (1 John 2:27 NET)

But when they bring you before the synagogues, the rulers, and the authorities, do not worry about how you should make your defense or what you should say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that moment what you must say.” (Luke 12:11–12 NET)

Honoring Jesus glorifies our Heavenly Father!

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he looked upward to heaven and said, “Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, so that your Son may glorify you— (John 17:1 NET)

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31 NET)

And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17 NET)

Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people, because you know that you will receive your inheritance from the Lord as the reward. Serve the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:23–24 NET)

But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that the extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. (2 Corinthians 4:7 NET)

In the same way, let your light shine before people, so that they can see your good deeds and give honor to your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16 NET)

Who’s Got My Back

The best moments in marriage do not come when each partner looks out for his or her rights. They come when each partner looks after the interests of the other. Instead of manipulating the other to be fulfilled, each looks out for the other’s needs and desires. However, we will never spin free of orbiting around our concerns in our own ability. We must allow God to take care of them. Jesus could go through life responding to others around Him because he trusted that God would look after His needs. He did not have to walk into circumstances protecting Himself or trying to get His way. He knew His Heavenly Father would provide everything He needed.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith? So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:24–34 NET)

Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7 NET)

True freedom comes when we know that our whole life is in God’s hands and that He will provide everything we need. We no longer have to fight for things at someone else’s expense. We can then be relaxed enough to do the things that bless someone else. Jesus could have been devastated by the fact that the disciples cared only about their positions in His future Kingdom when in the face of death. Jesus was not because he knew selfishness dominates most human relationships and was past their failures before they were.

The Trap of Expectations

Nothing Jesus’ friends did seem to bother Him. Martha thought kitchen chores were more important than conversing with him. Peter vehemently denied Him three times at the trial. Thomas doubted His resurrection. Jesus did not lace His relationships with expectations, and He refused to be trapped when others sought to put their expectations on Him. He did not tell people all they wanted to know. He did not heal people just to prove His power. Many misunderstood Him; others were angry. Yet He kept loving them as they were, gently pointing them to the truth and letting them decide whether it was “worth it” to come and follow Him. He refused to manipulate people even for their own good and was not crushed when they turned on Him.

Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. We sabotage many relationships by imposing expectations on others or trying to meet theirs. It cannot be done! People who live with expectations will never be satisfied. We still love those who impose their expectations on us. However, we must find peace knowing that we may never love them their way. Disappointments are the surest test that we are captive to expectations.

Have you found yourself saying:

• If they loved me, they wouldn’t (or would) have…

• After all, I have done for them, you would think…

These are signs that we have fallen into a trap from which there is only one escape. Instead of letting your disappointment rage at whoever has not done what you thought he or she should. Ask Jesus to help you trust Him to bring whoever, or whatever, you need into your life without demanding that it come your way. Having expectations is not wrong; they are misplaced if they are applied to people.

Our expectations should only be for God to be true to His Word. Only God does not change! Only God will not disappoint us!

“Since, I, the Lord, do not go back on my promises, you, sons of Jacob, have not perished. (Malachi 3:6 NET)

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever! (Hebrews 13:8 NET)

Be Devoted to One Another

Be devoted to one another with mutual love, showing eagerness in honoring one another. (Romans 12:10 NET)

Not committed to one another but rather devoted to one another. When we substitute commitment for affection, we mistake the shadow for reality. As we experience God’s affection for us, we will find ourselves having affection in our hearts for others – we become devoted to them! Ask Jesus to help you trust Him to bring whoever, or whatever, you need into your life without demanding that it come your way (Romans 13:8). If we learn to love one another, we will need nothing more. We will not need commitment, fall victim to expectations, and not be disappointed when others do not do what has been done for them. Remember, God’s love demands nothing in return. For every 30 to 40 people we love like this, 1 or 2 might respond with a similar concern. These are the ones with whom we will experience a depth of spiritual community unrivaled by anything else in this world. This is the basis of our accountability groups. Our small groups provide a Bible-centered laboratory where we learn how to apply the principles of the Christian faith to everyday life.

Honor One Another above Yourselves

Be devoted to one another with mutual love, showing eagerness in honoring one another. (Romans 12:10 NET)

Honoring others above ourselves simply means putting their needs above our own and watching out for their well-being. The stronger we are in our faith, the freer we will be to defer to the needs of the weaker. We should not demand what we want but rather be ready to help others get what they need, which is the essence of genuine church life. We should come to church to be a blessing! However, we have been schooled as consumers in church, finding a fellowship where our needs are met. The church where we get fed, have the worship experience we prefer, unload our guilt, have our children disciplined, and maybe even gather some business contacts. Consumers will never discover the joy of the Christian community. Orbiting around our needs causes us to miss the freedom of preferring others.

Consumers will never know the joy of:

• Taking the last place in line at a potluck.

• Helping make sure every mess is cleaned up before they leave.

• Caring more about how someone heard it than how we said it.

• Giving up a personal want for someone else’s need.

Can you imagine how a group of people who honor others above themselves would make God’s love known in a self-preferring world? It can happen so simply. When God has satisfied you so much that you can trust him to fulfill every hunger in your life, you are ready to experience the depths of one another.

Oh, so you been overlooked? They have placed someone else before you? They have whispered that you are pretty small stuff after all? And now you feel hurt because the world is saying about you the very things you have been saying about yourself? Only yesterday you were telling God that you were nothing, a mere worm of the dust. Where is your consistency? Come on, humble yourself and cease to care what men think.  

A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Cat and Dog Theology Genesis Chapter 1

Why are most Christians bored? They view the Bible from a people-centered view of the Scriptures. Most do not get excited until Genesis 3, then they have something to live for – saving the lost world! They have nonverbally communicated to themselves and God that the Bible is about people.

Two views on the main character of the Bible:

• God is the main character of the Bible and lives to radiate His glory; therefore, God lives for God.

• Humanity is the main character of the Bible, and God lives to provide for us; therefore, God lives for humanity.

The average true believer says the Bible is all about God but lives as if humanity is. Consequently, humanity often replaces God as the main character of the Bible.

Let us look at two examples:

First example: What did God get out of Jesus’ death?

Most Christians want to say, “He got us,” but that is jumping straight back into a people-centered perspective! He also received glory, honor, praise, adoration, and obedience. Most Christians overlook this!

Now as Jesus was passing by, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who committed the sin that caused him to be born blind, this man or his parents?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but he was born blind so that the acts of God may be revealed through what happens to him. (John 9:1–3 NET)

Second example: Why do you not want others to go to hell?

Most people don’t want others to go to hell because they will suffer (back to a people-centered perspective). David talks about the praise God would not receive (Psalms 30:9).

“What profit is there in taking my life, in my descending into the Pit? Can the dust of the grave praise you? Can it declare your loyalty? (Psalm 30:9 NET)

These two views on the Bible’s main character have “birthed” two types of Christianity. These two types of Christians are seen in the different attitudes between a typical dog and a cat. (3)

Cat and Dog Theology

It’s hard to differentiate between a Dog and a Cat Christian (1) in a church. They both look and act “Christian,” but there is a huge difference in the attitude of their heart.

• A dog says: “You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, You must be God.”

• A cat says: “You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be God.”

Getting to Heaven

• Cat Christians have a tendency to walk away from hell. Their sole focus is on themselves.

• Dog Christians walk toward heaven, having fallen in love with God.

Many Christians today are joyless simply because they are still focused on themselves and are walking away from hell

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure, hidden in a field, that a person found and hid. Then because of joy he went and sold all that he had and bought that field. (Matthew 13:44 NET)

Guarantee of Salvation

• Cat Christians are sure they are Christians because they “prayed a prayer” some time in their lives.

• Dog Christians are sure they are Christians because they hunger for God in their lives, and this is how they know they are believers.

Obedience School

Both Cat Christians and Dog Christians want obedience in their lives. Dog Christians want to obey God. Cat Christians want God to obey them. You usually see this reflected in the motive for their prayer requests:

• Cat Christians pray for a more Christ-like spouse to have a better quality of life for themselves and their children.

• Dog Christians pray for a more Christ-like spouse so the name of Jesus is no longer reproached for their poor behavior.

Quiet Times

Both Cat and Dog Christians have quiet times.

• Dog Christians focus on God’s glory (they think, “How is God’s reputation being affected by my life?”)

• Cat Christians focus on themselves (how can they better their life?)

Prayer

• Dog Christians pray to establish God’s kingdom.

• Cat Christians pray to establish their own kingdom.

Blessing and Responsibilities

Cat Christians want all the blessings and none of the responsibilities. As a result, two major problems arise in Cat Theology: 

• An incomplete gospel develops

• Cat Christians have mixed-up priorities.

Incomplete Gospel

Over time, Cat Theology develops into an incomplete gospel.

• Cat Christians are saved from hell, and it stops there. This is not incorrect, but it is incomplete.

• Dog Christians are saved from hell FOR WORSHIP!

In Our Prayers

Praying “Father, thank you for dying on the cross for our sins” is not incorrect, but it is incomplete. He died on the cross for our sins so we might point to God and glorify Him.

Soli Deo Gloria

To God Alone the Glory!

In Our Blessings

• Cat Christians focus on gathering all of God’s blessings with a bucket. And once they have them, they keep them.

• Dog Christians gather as many blessings as they can from God and pass them on to others. They know that the blessings are meant to go through them to others.

Mixed-up Priorities, Blessings, and Glory

Cats and Dogs want to see God glorified and be blessed by God.

• Cat Christians hunger more for blessings.

• Dog Christians hunger more for God’s glory.

Worship

• Dog Christians worship God primarily for who He is.

• Cat Christians worship God primarily for what He’s done for them.

Tessara

Why all these differences? Dogs study “Theology” while Cats study “MEology.” Dogs see God’s glory as a stained glass window. Each piece of glass is called a “tessera.” Each tessera uniquely displays God’s glory, such as the animal kingdom, the family unit, taste, and the stars. “Glory is any revelation or expression of His excellency in His presence, creativity, and/or character.” One way God chooses to reveal His glory is through blessing us!

Satan’s Strategy

Satan doesn’t want Christians to focus on God’s glory. His strategy is to get humanity to focus on something “safe” and “close to God’s heart” so their focus is off of God’s glory. As a result, we begin to think that life is all about us. Because of this, we make a foundational shift in our theology. Our focus goes off of God-glorifying Himself through blessing us. Our focus is on receiving blessings from God, and we become primary; God’s glory becomes secondary.

Cat’s are Living for Themselves

Cat Christians are basically living for themselves in a Christian context. They have rejected other “ways” of life and have chosen Christianity as the best way to live for themselves. Therefore, Life is still all about them.

What Does God Get?

Dog Christians ask one key question as they go through life: What does God get?

As a result, they realize that life is for God, not us. They see the joy God had in Genesis 1 while He was creating!

A Prayer of Repentance

Heavenly Father, please forgive us:

• For thinking life was about us and not You.

• For advancing our kingdom and not Yours.

• For seeking Your blessings more than You the Blesser.

• For an incomplete Christianity.

• For mixed-up priorities.

• For living for ourselves in a Christian context.

• For not seeing Your glory all around us.

We repent. Fill us again with your Holy Spirit that we might live only to bring you glory (1) and make You famous! (4)

And I pray this, that your love may abound even more and more in knowledge and every kind of insight so that you can decide what is best, and thus be sincere and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:9–11 NET)

Authentic Relationships Series:

• Authentic Relationships: Introduction
• Authentic Relationships: Loving One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Forgiving, Accepting, and Bearing with One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Being Devoted to Another and Honoring Another Above Ourselves
• Authentic Relationships: Greeting and Being Hospitable to One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Being Kind, Compassionate, and Sharing with One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Serving, Carrying Burdens, and Building Up One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Instructing and Admonishing One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Praying for One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Confessing Your Sins to and Being of the Same Mind Toward One Another
• Authentic Relationships: Submitting to One Another

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Shalom
(Security, Wholeness, Success)
Peace

Then he said to them, “Therefore every expert in the law who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his treasure what is new and old.” (Matthew 13:52 NET)

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(1) Select the link to open another article with additional information in a new tab.

(2) This adapted from Authentic Relationships: Discover the lost art of “One Anothering” by Wayne Jacobsen (http://www.lifestream.org) and Clay Jacobsen. ISBN-13: 978-0801064517

(3) My point here is not to argue whether dogs or cats are better but to help us see ourselves in and through them. 

(4) Adapted from CatnDog Theology (1), Dr. Gerald Robison,  (http://www.catndogtheology.com)