-
GOOD GRIEF: Seven Steps to Embracing Emotions- #3 The Heart of the Matter
Being good is not the same as being godly. “They tie up heavy loads, hard to carry, and put them on men’s shoulders . . . They do all their deeds to be seen by people,” Matthew 23:4-5a In verse 15 Jesus exhorts, ““Woe to you, experts in the law and you Pharisees, hypocrites! You cross land and sea to make one convert, and when you get one, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves!” Do we settle for obedience even when we know it is done with an angry belligerent heart? If we are satisfied with obedience even when attitudes are wrong we have…
-
GOOD GRIEF: Seven Steps to Embracing Emotions- #2 Normalize the Feelings
After the death of his wife, C. S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” If an adult is so surprised by the feelings that accompany loss how much greater is that intensified for our children? Children who face loss without explanation will reject the feelings. They will bury them under other feelings or stuff them down through unhealthy actions. The next time loss comes they’ll fear the feelings while reinforcing the wrong responses never learning to truly grieve loss. Loss is a part of our lives. We lose track of time. We lose lots of stuff: everything from…
-
GOOD GRIEF: Seven Steps to Embracing Emotions- #1 Be Honest!
Grieving the big losses in life: death of loved ones, loss of health, homes destroyed by catastrophes, marriages ending in divorce, jobs ending, and other great losses can be devastating. Our feelings are better managed at such times if we have learned to trust God in everyday losses beginning at a very early age. What you teach your child as they let go of bottles, pacifiers, and security blankets, or how to accept the loss of broken toys and moving friends will make a difference in how your child faces the bigger losses that come through death, tragedy, and disappointments. Too many times as parents and teachers we miss the incredible opportunities…
-
Grieving- Throwing a Life Line in the Sea of Emotions
When Your Heart Feels Like Winter & Your Tears are Frozen Grief is unpleasant. It is a process of emotions that we each must pass through in order for our hearts to heal from a loss we’ve experienced. As an adult I have had to deal with grief in all shapes and sizes. My first big conflict with grief, though, came at the age of eleven. My mother died. Perhaps my words below will help you understand what I felt when I lost her. “It feels like the worst of winter has settled in your heart. It is not just the worst of any winter. It is like the worst winter…
-
Exploring Grief
“Good grief,” is more than just a quote by Charlie Brown. Grief is real and it is no respecter of persons. Grieving is done by all but it is not done well by all. It comes to everyone sooner or later. For decades many children have fallen through the cracks of their parents' grief. We grieve many things from small losses like the ice cream falling off the end of our cone to huge losses like the death of loved ones. Yet every loss no matter how small carries with it a need to grieve. What are you teaching your children to help them with their daily small losses? What are…
-
The Necessary Sovereignty of God
"Everything is necessary that He sends and nothing can be necessary that He withholds." John Newton This quote from our pastor's sermon on Romans 8 last Sunday are hard words and require untmost dependence in the absolute goodness of God and trust in His sovereign care, especially when what you think is necessary is withheld. Otherwise you would go mad to think that the sovereign Creator of the universe is powerless to stop or thwart evil. Modeled by God when He sacrificed His son on the cruel, terrible cross, Christ's death was necessary. And, it was not necessary for Him to withhold Jesus's dying on the cross. Where would be…
-
What Not to Say When Someone is Grieving – Take Two
5 1/2 years ago I wrote a blog post called “What Not to Say When Someone is Grieving.” With almost 40,000 page views, it is clearly a subject that touches a lot of people. I’m re-publishing it today, but I invite you to read the original post so you can see the amazing, jaw-droppingly painful comments people shared. And I hope it will help YOU know what to say when a friend is hurting. It may be insensitivity or a lack of education that spurs people to say things that are unhelpful at the least and downright hurtful much of the time. I still remember my own daggers to the…
-
The Power of “Withness”
The day after Easter, our beloved Golden Retriever Calvin, only seven years old (that’s mid-life in dog years) had to be put to sleep because of cancer that had been sucking the life out of him. When our son and his wife moved from Texas to California, they were forced to leave him behind because their housing does not allow dogs, and Calvin became my husband’s dog. Calvin was the exact same shade of red as our Irish Setter, who died seventeen months ago. When we had to put Pele down, there was another big red dog in the house. But not yesterday. Or today. And it’s painful. Ray has…
-
Bode Miller and Grief
Watching the Olympic Super-G last night the commentators were focused on Bode Miller as the last few skiers bumped him from the Gold. After the race, the interviewer quickly breezed by the Silver Medalist to Miller. She noticed some deep emotion and began to probe. Something significant was going on and she noticed. Kudos for that. She then asked questions and never let him answer. The moment and her questions were triggering something much deeper but his processing was cut short by more words. (Photo courtesy of USA Today, (NBC Screenshot)) Maybe Miller's emotion caught her off guard. Maybe the fact that he was speechless, overwhelmed by emotion and grief…
-
“The Days That Were Ordained for Me”
With 350 days left in 2014 we assume we will have tomorrow and the next day and the next – anticipated, possibly pressured filled days; relaxing, unstructured days; days to study, learn and earn and serve others in; days that we might continue living life in. The year lies before us – 350 days to be exact. These are days we count on to do the things we were not able to do yesterday or last week or last month; days to serve God in here on earth; days to cherish the loved ones present and alive. We make assumptions. But – will we have those days? We will…