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Sex + Addiction = The Devil’s Playground
Often times Christians shy away from anything involving the term “sex.” Add to the mix “addiction,” and you can clear a room in five seconds. But I encourage you to pull up a chair and stick around. Because today we have a submission by my guest blogger and psychotherapist husband on this taboo topic. Read on… “Sex addict.” The phrase can make us uncomfortable. Especially when used to describe ourselves or someone we love. I believe our discomfort comes from the way society stereotypes addiction. Of all addictions, sexual addiction seems to bring the most shame and embarrassment to the sufferer and loved ones. For this reason, many sufferers want…
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What Would Jesus Really Do?
I recently met a woman who works for a major U.S. airline. She worked as a “stewardess” with them for over twenty years. She said when she first started working for them, the stewardesses wore hot pants, high boots, and cropped tops in flight. In her words, “It was Hooters in the sky.” She (we) is grateful the dress code has changed for flight attendants. We’ve heard the old saying, “The world is going to hell in a hand basket.” Maybe, but at least the #MeToo movement has made strides in the right direction. Or so I thought. Because just when I thought we were turning the corner on this…
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Shame, Jesus, and Me
This month I’m honored to invite my friend and teammate Christian Williams as my guest blogger. I love being in Christian’s company because one minute she’s making me laugh so hard I’m crying and the next she has stopped me in my tracks with a thought-provoking reflection. Christian is a Dallas transplant (Native Arkansan) and DTS student who loves communicating truth and building safe, authentic, purposeful communities. She feels God’s pleasure most when using her imagination, storytelling, teaching, and living in intentional relationships which yield growth and transformation. Dub: (verb) to give an unofficial name or nickname to (someone or something). I dub everything. From my period- I call her…
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Sometimes There Aren’t Words
Sometimes there just aren’t words… when we sit with others in their grief. when others try to comfort us in ours. Sometimes there just aren’t words… when life comes crashing down around us. when darkness and despair close in. Sometimes there just aren’t words… when anxiety and doubt and shame condemn us. when regrets of the past rear their heads and gnash their teeth. Sometimes there just aren’t words… when betrayals bite and false denials scream. when the unrelenting hand of fear squeezes with clenched fingers. Sometimes there just aren’t words… when the world goes crazy. when people don't seem…
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Welcome to My Messy
My life is messy. Let me just start today by putting the truth out there. Of course, you wouldn’t know my life is messy just by looking at me. Like all of us, I know how to keep going in hard times and I cope when I need to. I used to guard the truth of my life, and I would continually makeover appearances of my exterior life so people wouldn’t ask questions about my internal struggles. Although not everyone goes to extreme lengths to conceal what they fear might look “off,” most of us don’t want others to see our behind-the-scenes messy truth. Since I’m being honest about my…
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The Blame and Shame Game
We live in a day and age when counseling is a norm. Many churches have a Christian counselor on staff. Folks flock to bookstores where self-care and wellness books line the shelves. I woke this morning thinking that counseling is often a safe place to confess. The idea that we need to confess our sins against others as well as their sins against us verbally is a huge part of the healing process. Personally, I have not found that another human telling me that I am not at fault or am forgiven hasn’t been truly freeing. It is more like a bandage than a cure. It stops my bleeding heart…
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Silver Boxes with Bows on Top
The 18th Century preacher, John Wesley, dressed sharp in his day. One Sunday morning he wore a bow tie with long ribbons that hung down. After his sermon, a lady approached him and asked if he was open to some criticism. He said, “I guess so.” She said, "The ribbons on your tie are too long and inappropriate for a man of God." And she took out her scissors and cut them. A hush fell over the crowd. Then Wesley asked to borrow the scissors. As she handed him the scissors, he asked, "Ma’am, are you open to some criticism?" She answered, "Well, I suppose.” He said, "Good. Now stick…
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Free Indeed!
Recently I had the privilege of speaking in a women’s prison. I shared my story which I call, “How to Handle the Things You Hate But Can’t Change.” (How’s that for a topic of interest for incarcerated people?) But then I was able to speak briefly about what we have in common, a situational loss of freedom. I have lost the ability—the freedom—to walk, and they have temporarily lost the ability—the freedom—to walk out of lockup. Still, even while imprisoned by our situations, Jesus offers true freedom that has nothing to do with our circumstances. He promised to His disciples, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set…
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Afraid of the Woman in the Mirror
You tug at the corner of your eyes, smushing them upward then pulling them down. “Who is that?” You wonder to yourself as you gaze into the mirror. Maybe it's the dark circles betraying an illness that caught you by surprise. Maybe it's the fine lines, telling the story of stress and toil. Maybe it's the weary look in your eyes begging for sleep. Before you can answer, you snap your head and look away, unwilling to gaze any longer. Have you ever been there? Recently I had one of my own mirror moments. And as much as I've tried to forget it, I can't. Such glimpses force us to…
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Harassed by Shame – a Trap of Comparison
Our guest blogger today is P.J. Beets, a Doctor of Ministry in Spiritual Formation student at Dallas Seminary. Recently, I went on a backpacking adventure with a group of 14 to 17 year old Boy Scouts. I was concerned about being able to keep up with their energy and sense of adventure. I love backpacking, but I did not want to hinder them in any way. The days leading up to the adventure were harassed by shame. Will I do everything just right? Am I good enough? What is shame? One type of shame is a feeling of inferiority which comes from comparing ourselves to our own expectations, other’s expectations,…
